In the deep bowels of my spirit I think November went by entirely too fucking fast. It did. There is no reason for it to be 1 week before thanksgiving when this month just fraggin started.
As if.
At least the academic rape like sessions akin to my UNCG undergrad years of October are over. Sadly so is Fairy Tail, I just finished it last night. Kinda sad…BUT apparently a new season is coming next year. YEET.
And Bleach is coming back. BIG FUCKING YEET.
Enough of my usual pre flashback tangent. Time for another Tale of Jano’s Bizarre Art Adventure *cue music.
This issue begins back in 1998 on Planet Namek.
Nigga what the fuck??
Don’t worry there are time leaps. Anyway as I was saying it was Spring 1998. Goku just landed on Namek, defeated Recoome, and Vegeta dropped the term for the first time in an English dub. The world waited for what seems like an eternity (especially when you are 14) for the next episode of DBZ when Goku fought Burter and Jeice of the Ginyu Force. In summer 1999, VHS tapes of the last part of the Freeza saga started to be released. And my geek ass def start buying them as soon as they dropped. $24.00 per fucking tape with 3-4 episodes.
Man those purchases aged badly when said out loud.
Fall 1999 came. I was a sophomore in high school and i was approached by someone walking to the bus I legit never knew in life. He asked if i was ______, and i was like yea. He had heard I had the new season of DBZ tapes and i said yea.
Side note, life was so fucking simple then. Holy fucking fuck.
Anyway we formed a friendship founded in anime, and have still been friends since the tender age of 14.
AWWWWW tender moments.
Fast forward to Spring 2021.
He had hit me up one day as I was leaving the slave pit Jeff Bezos slave pit. He asked me could I do headshots of his girlfriend. I told him yea I actually have a light set which I have never used.
Wait what?
Yep, I got Christmas money for it in 2016 but I never had an opportunity to use it at all. I practiced on one of my friends kinda in 2017, but it wasn’t that deep.
We made a plans for the following Sunday, so that weekend i decided this may be a good time to practice since it is actually going to be used for an actual client.
Blessed be youtube. On Kami.
Sunday came, and i went to his place after I left the slave pit, changed and got my equipment.
Him and I chatted as I prepared everything. Practice makes perfect kids. Legit didn’t struggle as much this time settling up as the first time I did. I took test shots with my lights in various ways to minimize the harshness of the shadow being casted. Eventually his girlfriend came out and we started.
She was nervous at first. I told her to relax as best she can because it will show on her face and its not flattering.
It didn’t take long for her to relax and get comfortable. I encouraged to play some music and envision yourself as someone you admire. Sometimes I actually am inspirational when I’m not talking shit.
Spoiler Alert.
And that was it. The shoot lasted for an hour, despite that i took a plethora of photos as usual. When I was editing I realized I need to buy a damn tripod because there was no reason for some of those images to be blurry.
None, no such fuckin reason existed.
Hey Google, Play Joe Public live and learn.
As i said the issues that are drama free are the ones when its a client. The one’s where i am chasing an artistic vision my ancestors inserted in my head, MaAAAAAAN its like an anime arc or a final battle rpg fight.
Sephirtoth level shit…which I still need to beat.
FUCK….FUCK.
The rest of the time i was there we all hung out, he showed me the Snyder cut of Justice league. Which …i just remembered I need to finish that. I meant to but, yea life said fuck your summer plans nigga. fuck your plans nigga. *Dave Chappele Rick James fuck your couch voice.
At any rate to see my LinkedIn level images i snapped click here.
Next month is another client so it isn’t complicated. Avril Lavinge would be proud.
Anyone catch that? no? ok fuck yall.
I’m going try to relax without passing out…if that is a thing.
Moral of story, friendships formed in anime lead to opportunities that help your dreams…or some shit.
Well here we are March 2021, a whole year into a pandemic.
Fascinating.
Terrifying and sobering as well. I’m glad I gave up hope of going to concerts and anime cons again. At this point wondering when this pandemic is going to end is like how many episodes there are left until Namek explodes. Just long as shit for no valid reason.
Anyway.
Time for another care free issue with less drama than any previous issue, Rpg or anime I’ve watched in general.
Side Quest time.
It is weird typing issues like this. But also, Spoiler alert, I’m still in the search of the last 2 “infinity stones” that I began in 2017.
UGH. We can talk about that whenever the fuck I get there….hopefully soon. Watch me finish my comic series and my infinity gauntlet around the same time…prob next year. This is all I live for. Wait, is that why some of ya’ll are still tuning in each month? Am I your new favorite saga, Jano Bizarre’s Art Adventure.
AWWW SHIT NIGGA!!!
Need a reminder of said stones before I continue? Sure take a gander or reminder depending how often you have been to my website. I should name these stones while I’m at, right?
So here we are summer of the trying times of 2020, corona has crippled the world. Literally. Activities are limited, bodies are crippled and demolished by the fiend known as corona. Meanwhile protest for social justice spread like wild fire, since cops seem to literally get away with murder for killing black people.
STILL.
If this sounds like an intro to a dystopian nightmare it is because it was the trying times of 2020, spoiler alert.
I had finished coloring act 2 of my comic series, and decided that my break needed a break. After months of my back curling up like a snail shell design.I decided to focus on helping the nonprofit I am apart of, called Back to Black.
But Jano what is Back to Black?
WELL, essentially it is a non profit organization whose goal it is to help improve the black community. It was started by my friend who I met at UNC Greensboro. One day in Fall 2019 I was picking up an order from her hair and beauty store, because ya know I need to stay pretty and have my curls flowing.
YAAAAAAAAAS.
We decided to get dinner the next day catch up and talk about things, and she told me about her non profit dreams to help the black community. I told her you need to pursue the vision you were given, because if not there is no point in having them.
A month later when we met up for a college friends bday, I found out she added me to her staff. MAN I was not ready, at all. I have non profit experience from the past decade of cotton field experience, but still.
Moral of the Story, sometimes I can be inspiring when I am not talking shit.
Fast forward to last summer, so I guess we are now just…rewinding….wait how does this work?
Anyway. She had planned to do a photoshoot for the clothing line we were launching. The initial goal was to use our fellow staff members, but life was like nah.
Insert me, and having friends. There is a 90s after school lesson somewhere.
I hit up my friend who helped me get the 90s stone….I really need to think of better name for these stones. I asked her would she, her boyfriend and other friends be willing to model for us. The concept was simple, black people living their best life and be unapologetically black. They agreed luckily, because this literally was a last minute thing. We met up at Camp North End under the scorching summer sun. It was a pretty chill event actually….despite the sun emitting full oppression nigger heat.
Like I said this this isn’t a dramatic thing, no long expose’s, no existential dread.None, no such things exist…
In this issue.
We decided to do another one at another time, but in downtown Charlotte a few weeks later.
And that’s it. Fade to black. End scene.
Wait, not yet. But thats all for the events of this issue. To check out the byproducts from the day the sun enter the group chat go forth here. Also check out the music page and CBD hemp store of one of the models.
Shit, I just woke up and the original intro I had for this issue is a blank to me now.
FUCK, I had a clear monologue prepared from picking cotton today and now its a blur.
Eh, oh well.
*Boyz II Men End of the Road plays in the background. No Literally its playing, Spoiler Alert.
Guys, this is it…Kinda.
Its finally happened, I’ve caught up with all the photoshoots I’ve done since I began this journey since July 2016. Kinda.
Jano, explain all these kindas.
When I started when this photography part of my art journey, the whole point was to gain experience working with models because for the bulk of my life has been me doing events, What ensued the summer of 2016 was a myriad of quests of trying to capture ideas with the lens of my camera. There are a few side quest I am still pursing, but for right now I am all caught up with all my adventures.
I do have images from doing a workshop for the nonprofit organization Back To Black, and from my New Years Florida vacation but those are just events to me. Not to say that I won’t do events any more but 1. they don’t feel essential to my art quest, and 2. at this point right now they feel like filler episodes. And personally I am not a fan of filler episodes, I will not be like Naruto.
No Ma’am.
I rather be like Attack on Titan, Seven Deadly Sins, Fairy Tail, and My Hero Academia and have off seasons and come back when I have something significant.
From this point on the monthly issue format you have gotten accustomed to will dissipate into the ether, and I will be updating this site on a more random sporadic basis. It’ll be ironic that even after I make this issue that I still have monthly issues.
In the meantime, I’ll be focusing on coloring my comic series. I had this bad habit in recent months of saying I would get my issue out at the beginning of the month so that I could get it out the way. But obviously there were times I wouldn’t and my foolish mindset was to focus only on that and nothing else would get done since that was the only thing I was focused on.
Smh at my damn self and my raggedy thought process.
Also with that being said I’m not accepting any commissions of any sorts, not that I had an influx of orders or anything.
I’ll still be updating my social media channels (see side navigation) with images every month from previous adventures, and if you don’t follow me on anything then subscribe via email (see side navigation) to be notified when the updates occur.
Stay woke.
In the meantime check out this issue, to help me fundraise for my comic quest.
For now guys that’s it, see ya’ll again hopefully…..maybe…….
The frigid season of winter is damn near, but it already feels like the bottom of a frozen ocean. FUCK MAN. So far the only good thing that has happened this month is that I got to see Incubus in concert.
YEET.
At various points before they started playing I thought how I wish Gym Class Heroes was still a thing like Incubus, Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco and everyone else. Can someone make this a thing.
Please.
Anyway, honestly this is gonna be a brief and easy issue. And by brief and easy I mean itisn’t dramatic as fuck as much as my other issues about my art journey. Thats right this issue will be inadvertently family friendly for the holidays.
One blazing as fuck summer day this summer, one of my friends texted me saying that she wanted to do pictures of her son. That sounds doable. We started discussing slave schedules and locations. She texted me a location that she saw on her mail route, but was open for other locations. Since data limits were a thing for me this year, I waited til I got home to google the area.
Not gonna lie, I wasn’t impressed…at all.
And I told her that. I suggested Freedom Park the same place where I shot (Insert issue link here) since 1.It actually has more visually as opposed to an open grass field with a raggedy ass swing that the original park had and 2. It would be more for her son to interact with.
She was down for it. We set a date for a Friday afternoon in August. I left the cotton field, grabbed a sandwich from Harris Teeter and headed to the park.
I told ya’ll this is a really simple story.
I waited for her to arrive. She called me at some point because she wasn’t sure of the area. Eventually she showed up and we walked into the park.
Remind me to never to do a photoshoot of a child after picking cotton all day.Lil dude was an energy dynamo, like Finn from Adventure Time. On god nigga, On god. I was struggling to keep up, but I took solace in the fact how much I was gonna pass out when I got home.We were there for 2 hours at best, and we dispersed to separate paths and life.
See like I said this a real simple issue. To see the jubilation of my friends child click here.
Anyway this is probably gonna be last issue of the year. I had hoped to release another one before the year was out, but the way my slavery schedule is looking and the physicallimits of this human vessel I inhabit that may not happen.
UGH
Hopefully I can, but spoiler alert don’t hold your breath.
Hopefully 2020 I will accomplish more of my goals on my journey. To be honest I am so disappointed with myself. I still have 2 stones left that have yet to acquire. If you have been paying attention to these issues and know about Thanos, I really appreciate ya’ll I do. If not well, go back and do some reading.
Need some guidance on stone journey? Well here ya go the stones I collected purple, pink, blue and green. Honestly the other issues I released this year were just, well for a lack of better words filler issues.
*shrugs*
As far as my comic saga Azure Ascendance, Man I’m so irked that I didn’t get as far as I wanted. Real shit this job exhaust the shit out of me, a nigga just wants to color like its 2016, that’s it. And ya know eventually get it animated on a streaming service,
Thats it.Ya know simple things.
Spoiler Alert, depending on how the next few months go will determine if I will be releasing issues monthly as I have the past few years. I’m literally all caught up in my photo journey after the next issue.
Yea…
Hail to the Guardians of WatchTower
Sun, Moon, star, north, south, east and west.
Osiris my king
Hekate my queen
Let 2020 be a more productive year for my photography. Let me acquire the last 2 stones, as well the other shoots that I want to do.Free me from this current cotton field and please let me be able to workon my comic series, Azure Ascendance and release issues on a more steady rate. While eventually working toward a way to get my series animated in the way I imagine.
This has been a sporadic and slaveful as summer,at least for me. FUCK. Kanye West Spaceship is legit playing both in my head and on my Spotify Can my Azure Ascendance spaceship come in and so I can fly away and do art things instead.
Anyway.
This saga actually isn’t complicated, compared to some of the others I’ve shared. Its just more so a matter of waiting.
It literally started Spring 2017 with a white girl.
But Jano, how did it go from white girl to your friend we have seen model for you 3 times who clearly isn’t white?
Well if you shut the fuck up you will find out :).
At some point in Spring 2017 when I was unemployed as fuck, yep that unemployment streak that started January 2016. MAN that was an arduous time.
Anyway.
I random white girl followed me on IG. At the time I was not posting anything on any social media platform. At the time my mindset I wasn’t gonna post anything until I got a full time job finally…
HA I was foolish.
Anyway because of that some of the most recent things I posted were photos of cosplay images. She DM’d me saying she would like to do a cosplay shoot, and me at the time who has not done one yet was down.
What followed was a series of events that made me more so loose patience with humanity, more so.
For those who weren’t paying attention, I wasn’t employed at the time.Employment didn’t happen until mid April and lasted until Early June. Followed by me being unemployed for 2 weeks, working for a month, then unemployed again until September. All of which, except for the 1st weekend of new slavery, I had the weekends off.
I would hit her up multiple times, and yet despite it being her idea she was never available. I appreciated her actually replying but at the same time I was irked. From the time period of Mid July to September, asking became ridiculous. She would tell me that she had alot going on, but then her IG stories would have a caption of going to meet a photographer. Days later it would be photos up of her in the outfit from the IG stories from said photographers.
Ya’ll listen, the older I get the less fucks I give.
Spoiler Alert.
I’m not gonna continue to chase people down for something that was their idea. I’m not.That mindset translate into a lot of things these days. I don’t have the time nor patience from it.
If you have an idea that you want done, and you don’t make an effort to make it happen. I.E. if I keep asking and the only thing you tell me is you’ll let me know, I’ll let it go.
During the mermaid saga when I finally had my model solidified. I told my homegirl about the aforementioned treachery, and she told she would do a cosplay photoshoot for me.
So let me publicly gush for once. She is legit my favorite model out of all the people I worked with.
Spoiler Alert.
She is, she drove down to help me out multiple times to help me fulfill my art dreams and was willing to do it again. I’m sorry none of you others can compare to her at all. Some of you may be mad, but I don’t give a fuck. If I actually get to shoot any of them more than once for another idea of mine I will be surprised. So to my homegirl I want to say you are the best, and I’m glad we met at that winter comic convention in 2013. Whenever I see you again I owe you food for all the times you helped when I was unemployed, plus you left your brush here.
Tender moments are over.
Back to this journey.
Even though she had agreed to help me out, it wasn’t that a simple thing. No major reason, just schedule conflicts. We both were working retail, and even when my schedule switched to weekend availability in the Spring of 2018 she still wasn’t able to make it down. Which sucked because I did have an idea to do it during the Spring while the trees were blooming new leaves for the year after a frigid callous winter.
Eventually August 2018, it happened after the original agreement was formed in September 2017. The day came and she arrived at my house, it took a minute before we actually did the shoot. I was recovering from a lush filled night, ironically enough when I did the masquerade shoot it was the day after I drank on a Sunday in August too.
Eh.
She prepared herself make up wise, while I got my equipment ready. I drove to downtown where I envisioned this happening. The weather was perfect, as in I didn’t have to worry about her dying from heat exhaustion. It was a cloudy chill day so neither of us would sweat our spirits away.
Nothing extraordinary happened. She knew more about the character than I do, so my usual look at Pintrest for posing ideas was useless. The only other things that happened was that children thought that she was kool and wanted pictures with her. There was this one nigga, who was exactly that a nigga. I regret letting him take a photo with her, his last words were that picture will get ya’ll famous.
Negro please I didn’t even edit that nonsense.
I reject thou niggatry with the greatest power of the force.
Anyway.
We ended the shoot since she hadn’t eaten all day. We had talked about doing a night shoot but that didn’t happen. Partially because I was afraid it would be a repeat of what happened in Incandescent Spirits, the other half was because niggas were tired as fuck. OMG, I really need to start stretching before I shoot people I do.
At any rate, we went to get something to eat. She introduced me to Poke’bowls and Poke’ Burritoes. OMFG, they are so great. Blessed Be Korean food. We went back to my house and hung out, while she played her favorite songs.
Ugh, I just remembered how she played that foolishness of Kanye West Lift Yourself…OMG. I legit didn’t think it was him, and I’m upset I heard it.. A far from cry from Spaceship I mentioned earlier.
Someone save Kanye from Kanye
SMH.
At any rate to see the images from that day click here.
On another note, this is actually the photoshoot I did of 2018. Not by choice, not by choice at all. As far “Infinity Stones” go, at this point I have 3 of the 6 I am determined to get. Other shoots were supposed to happen, but ya know life and peoples fickleness.
Moral of the story, Don’t trust white girls who slide and your DM’s. As well don’t chase anyone down when it is their idea.
Next issue will take place in 2019. I am almost caught up with time…or something…whatever…..
Here we are the last issue of the year, well last planned issue of the year. Unless something interesting happens….yea this is the last issue of the year. Usually I would start off with some random blurbs about the current circumstances of my life, but this issue is lengthy as fuck.
Jano how long?
Think RPG playtime, final anime boss battle long.
DAMN!
Yea, trust me living it felt a lot longer. OMG it felt like waiting for Planet Namek to explode.
In April of 2017 I thought it be kool to do a shoot about a mermaid. I don’t know if it was because of the internet or the voice of my ancestors, but that idea was planted in my head and damn it stuck. Oh how it stuck. It stuck like a super chain of STDs a serial rapist got for violating the personal space of others who had their own STDS..
As usual I went to Craigslist to sweep through the various communities in hopes to find one that can possibly bring my idea to life. But this time I had another problem to figure out. So in case you haven’t been paying attention I live in Charlotte, North Carolina. And for those who weren’t paying attention in elementary school social studies, it lies within the Piedmont region. Which, spoiler alert, means that there isn’t any coastlines or beaches near me. At best there are lakes and rivers, but that is about it.
So not only did I have to find a model, I had to figure where the fuck I was going to do this shoot at. I made an ad for help on that and color me shocked that it didn’t take that long. This dude replied and said that he would be willing to help me out and let me shoot it at as his fathers house. His father resides in South Carolina for some reason and he was house sitting for him. He sent me a picture of the area and I went YES LAAAAAWD * Anderson Paak voice. He wanted to meet first, which makes sense. I let him know at some point that I was black male, cuz we all know sometimes being black comes at ya fast even when you are doing ordinary things such as living.
Real Shit, I was nervous as fuck about this.
But Jano, haven’t you met people off the internet before?
Duh, but never has it been an elder white guy who was going to use his parents house to let me do a photo shoot to fulfill my art dreams. Even typing that now it sounds odd. Fuck, shits crazy.
Despite that we set a date to meet one May morning. The things we do for our dreams.I drove over to his house, with a box cutter in my bag and my home girl informed of my location just in case shit got weird, well weirder. Dude was odd, kool, but odd. The scariest moment of the whole conversation was when he told me how he got rid of stray cats that roamed into his yard. My niggas eyes were so lifeless when he talked of their disposal.
At some point we went to his dad’s house and OMG, the picture he had sent me didn’t do it justice. I fell more in love with the photographic potential more so. OMG. However, there was only problem with this whole scenario. Due to the nature of this dudes job of being an organ delivery driver, if he got called to do a delivery that shoot would have have to be postponed for another time since he wanted to be there on the property. That nagging factor bothered me. I told him I would be back in contact with him once I solidified a model and a time, which was true at the time. But you know life it is a fickle cunt. The girls who had shown interest prior to the meeting went full ghost when I reached back out to them. BLARGH.
But.
Before we go back to the model hunt, lets get these other details out the way. First off the location, since back up plans are a necessary thing. The place creepy cat killer had showed me was near Latta Plantation Park. Yes, the place I mentioned several issues ago. On a whim I decided to walk the path less traveled, Literally. When I was there before I had never walked any of the trails, so I figured might as well.
Yay for whims.
The environment was so Shway for the narrative I wanted to present. At the end of the trial there was a peninsula that had a nice view of the lake and barely any traces of humanity. Side note when I was surveying the area, there were people Jet skiing, I was so hoping one of them would drown and die. Anyway. Safe to say this was my location, I legit never contacted that creepy cat guy again. He has a name, but honestly at this point it doesn’t matter.
As the search for a non fickle model continued, I had to craft some props for this shoot. Timeline wise, we are in mid June at this point. I legit have never crafted shit in my life, aside from art projects in school I never had to. But you are surprised what you learn to do when there is an aesthetic you have in mind. Shout out to Youtube and Pintrest teaching how to use my hands in more magical ways. The goal one Friday June night was to make a mermaid bra and crown. Hobby Lobby and Walmart is where I got most of my supplies, in particular seashells, pipe cleaner, ribbon, and hot glue gun, There was a tiara I needed, which I promise you I have seen a million times before this day BUT the day I actually was going to buy it. Nope couldn’t be found at all. I legit bounced from several different stores to find a fucking tiara. Blessed be Super Target for having it and a bag of jewels. As for the tail, one of my home girls was a mermaid for the last halloween. She said I could borrow her dress, she didn’t have the exact dress but had one similar that I can make it look mermaid tail esque.
Now for the models. Side note, shout out to it being a snow day because real shit this is a lot to navigate through my memories. If I had picked cotton today this wouldn’t be getting done.
Anyway, the model search. Because that is the one thing that is missing from this whole fucking saga.
Spoiler alert; the upcoming contains fuckery, confusion, betrayal and more fuckery than should be encountered.
*Deep Breath*
At this point we are still in June, the girls who had expressed interest were no longer replying and others were replying who honestly I didn’t like their face or vibe. I told ya’ll I’m picky, no apologies.
I was following one girl on IG, and decided to DM her to see if she was down for the concept. And she was….kinda.
When I reached out again to see if she was available for the next week, she had informed me that she got signed to a modeling agency. Congrats I told her and the convo ended there oddly. I hit her back a week later to see if she was free the following w.end, she asked if her manager had informed me of her rates.
Rates?
Bitch a few weeks ago you were so down for the TFP. Now you done got brand new and talking about some rates? The fuck you mean rates? Look I respect the craft, but I can’t afford the craft. Especially when I am working erratic seasonal project jobs with end dates after not working for a year and 4 months. Maybe when I am full level up adult with a stable job, but right now I am relying on the kindness of strangers who with mutual interest to help me make my art dreams come true. I told her I’ll have to pass because of the whole job situation. A legit reason because I was laid off again mid July and didn’t work again until September.
FUCK.
This shit is aggravating. Even recounting this arc is aggravating. I wanna drink some Jano Juice to soothe my spirit. Maybe this weekend.
Anyway
So there was another girl who replied to one of my witch photoshoot ads. I never replied to her about that because obviously I found someone who matched what I wanted more so. But this girl had a mermaid tattoo, so I thought to ask her. MAAAAAAN I shouldn’t have. She had asked how much was she going to paid.
Bitch hold up. In the ads I am very upfront about the only compensation will be copies of the final images. I was so clear about that, so fucking clear. There legit is no room for interpretation. At all. Aside from that maybe you should not reply with ads with dirty bathroom selfies. you pasty posh cunt face.
Ok I’m done for now.
At this point it is July and I’m aggravated, so fucking aggravated. I placed a final ad on Craigslist and I won’t lie I aired out all my grievances. In particulate don’t waste my time with this, if you aren’t serious about this please don’t waste my time and please read all of the ad before asking me stupid fucking questions.
Of course someone replied….
Spoiler Alert; this is the climax of the story. Oh so much climax. That sentence probably does not make sense but fuck it.
Her name was Marlene, and she wanted to know more about the project. I told her and at some point she shared how she always felt she has been a mermaid all of her life. Who the fuck am I to argue that you felt like a mythical creature? If thats what you feel when you wake up, feel it. In my mind it will translate great in the images. Fuck Big Dick Energy, You got that mermaid energy. She inquired about a tail and since it actually seemed like I finally had a model for this fucking project, I figured I actually extend the effort to make it. I hit up my home girl who helped me with Demented Rose and Scarlet Tracks since she is big into cosplay and crafting. I was hoping she had a quick way to make a tail since every way I saw was complicated as fuck. Her answer was to buy one, and I was like nah. I’m legit not spending over 100 on fucking mermaid tail, in case you guys haven’t been paying attention I’ve been dealing with some fickle ass cunts. And I didn’t wanna be stuck with a tail for a model who went ghost on me.
So my homegirl decided to help me out, she said would be willing to help me out. She had recently brought one and would be willing to let this girl use her tail if they were the same size to help me achieve my dreams.
Ya’ll I felt like a person in that one moment. Kinda how in How The Grinch Stole Christmas when his heart grew 3 sizes bigger for some sentimental reason which I can’t exactly remember. She was Cindy Lou Hoo and I was the Grinch who was essentially at the spiritual place of fuck this.
Spoiler Alert,I have a legit complex in case you couldn’t tell.
Emotional Moment Over.
Ironically enough new girl and my friend both wear the same size. The next thing we had to do was see if the bra and crown I made fit. The crown did, but the bra that was something else. SO I let her borrow some of my supplies that I brought to make a bra, we had set a date, I told my friend and we were all in agreement.
…..
Well…
August came as well the week of the shoot, and I messaged new girl asking are we still down for the weekend and was the bra done. She told me that she had been busy with work and school.
Ok here is the thing, I checked UNCC’s school calendar. School hadn’t started yet, it wasn’t going to start until a week later. But I assumed she meant getting ready for school. Man when your ancestors tell you fuckery is afoot, you listen to your ancestors. Thursday came and I asked was she still down for the shoot, and she replied saying that wouldn’t be.
UGH.
So I had to tell my homegirl lives in Raleigh, who took off from work not to come down. She wasn’t happy about it. I can’t blame her, I would be pissed off too. So the next day since my shoot wasn’t happening, I decided to go scout Midtown Park for a future photoshoot I wanna do at some point. I get home and check my snapchat…..this bitch is driving to Baltimore, Maryland.
WHORE!!! I COULD KILL YOU!!!!!! NOT ONLY DID YOU WASTE MY TIME!!!! YOU WASTED MY FRIENDS TIME WHO WAS WILLING TO ME OUT!!!!. I SHOULD CUT YOUR BOULDER SIZE BREAST OFF AND THROW THEM AT YOUR FUCKING HEAD YOU FILTHY SNOBBISH CUNT!!!!!!!
*deep breath.
I was so god damn mad.I wanted no still want to set her apartment on fire and hope someone beats her head with a brick as she tries to escape.
I apologize to my friend, for the fact that her time was wasted and this snobbish bitch wasn’t as professional as she seemed. I asked her would she be my mermaid to help me out, she texted me after I got the email saying she would do anything to help me out. Legit felt joy and felt like I mattered to someone. I have never heard those words uttered to me before, at all. And still haven’t since then.
There goes that trash complex again.
Me and her picked a date, and at some point she came down. The first time I had seen her in a year, awwww tender moments. Problem was she forgot the bra, so we had to wait another week to do the shoot. She apologized but it was kool, at this point one more week wasn’t going to hurt all things considered. She came back down a week later, she wanted to stop by Hobby Lobby and got some supplies.
This was it and it was finally happening. 4 months later it was finally happening. Ya’ll have no idea how arduous the past 4 months had been.You legit don’t. At this point we are the on the first weekend of September. I just got a new job, the sun is starting to set earlier and the wind has gotten a chill in it that hasn’t been felt in months. Luckily the area I want to shoot my friend is pretty vacant, as in there is no one there to obstruct the background. People are legit the worse.
The narrative I had in mind was ironically similar to The Little Mermaid, Mermaid washes on shore and explores the new world.I say ironic because I never saw The Little Mermaid. Well I saw it in Spanish in 11th grade, so that doesn’t really count. She switched between her tail and the dress of my friend. At some point that fall chill became a thing and she got cold, so I tried to wrap it up as soon as I can. Defiantly didn’t want her to catch a cold because of me, my conscious can’t deal with that. When it was all said and done we went to get something to eat and watched youtube videos, as my body remembered I need to stretch before I do these shoots that involve me acting like Nightcrawler. Acrobatic as fuck even though I ain’t been to the gym in years.
But wait, before we show the pictures from this saga. We need to finish the arc first.
But Jano, what do you mean….oh that Siren faced no ass bastard.
Well, at some point she called me a week after we were supposed to shoot. But yo wtf do we have to talk about? Honestly I am not a confrontational person, I’m pretty chill until you piss me off. Waisting me and my friends time is def a way to piss me off. *Yusuke Urameshi voice. The day after me and my homegirl did our photoshoot, I checked my snapchat and Siren face had posted a video of the shells and a net saying something about mermaid things or something to that effect. A few days later there was a photo she posted about with her mermaid hashtags. Oh nah, I need my shit back. See I only let her borrow those materials to help me out, not to shoot with some other nigga.
I emailed her and we agreed on a time that week…man that meeting was so awkward. Every cell in my usually chill being wanted to take the net off the wall and Lynch her like they lynched black people in the south, but I kept it together. My father has this saying don’t piss on me and tell me it is rain. This bitch legit treated me like R.Kelly did those teenagers in the early 2000s, metaphorically. I’ll be damn if I let a cunt whore piss on em. The lies she told of how she really wanted to do the shoot but was really busy. Bitch you did the shoot, you didn’t do it with me but you did it. Pretty sure you never even thought of doing a mermaid shoot until you saw that Ad on Craigslist.
Moral of Story, Fuck it I don’t know. Infer one for yourself. But if you get a chance to choke a bitch with a net they made that is hanging on the wall, take that opportunity. Life will figure out the rest later.
I told ya’ll this was a long story, if you actually read the whole thing. Congrats your reward is here.
Hell typing this was exhausting as fuck. Shout out to this snow day again because otherwise I would have been too exhausted to recall this fuckery. I felt like I just wrote a paper when I was at UNCG.
In other news that is fuckery free, I finally finished storyboarding my comic Azure Ascendance. Now the only thing left to do is color the remaining issues. YAAAAASSSS got the impending coloring coma.At least I got that done, sadly I didn’t get all the photoshoots done this year that I wanted. Hopefully the last 3 won’t be no where near this difficult as this was, hopefully. MAN, even typing this arc was a headache.
Anyway. thats it folks. The next issue won’t be no where near this heavy and filled with salt. Its actually the last photoshoot I did of 2017, which will be the first issue…of next…..year…..FUCK IT.
Yo On God my nigga, I hate summer rain forecast. How am I supposed to accurately plot out my life if it says it is going to rain, but yet it is as dry as all the old cum in my belly button. Now Summer Rain By Carl Thomas is playing in my head, great because I don’t have enough over emotional ass songs playing in my head.
Anyway.
Remember when I said I did 3 photoshoots last April, well this is the final one. AWWW the simple times of picking a location, asking someone to model for you, then shooting them on a set date. MAN, what a time to be alive.
But Jano what do you mean?
You’ll see in upcoming issues. Holy Fuck you will see.
Anyway.
Back in the cunt bag year of 2016 in August when I was unemployed and foolishly trying to get a stable job as a web designer.
I went to a crash course coding networking event for the now defunct as fuck Iron Yard. It was in Uptown/ Downtown Charlotte in this building called Packard Place.While I was waiting for this event aka waste of my time to start, I stared out the window and saw Romare Bearden Park. I started thinking it would be fun to do a shoot there.
Fast Forward to March 2017.
Two of my friends from college decided to visit me. At some point when they were having a conversation which I could contribute nothing to, so I started scrolling on Instagram.
Jano, that is so rude.
Fuck off, ya’ll do it too.
Anyway, I was scrolling and saw a photo from one of my former slave coworkers from the plantation, IKEA. At some point I decided to ask if she would model for me, she said yea, and I internally while externally went YAAAAS.
I promise ON GOD, ON GOD MY NIGGA, this is the last time that a model search will be this fucking easy for me. I legit just face palmed.
Anyway.
Even though me and her worked together at that cunt customer cotton field for 3 years, I legit didn’t know anything about her or fashion sense. Real shit majority of the time I saw her I talked shit to her. But not hardcore shit that would make someone do a Hannah Baker, but like soft core shit that you could put on a ice cream cone and serve up with a smile.
I just threw up in my mouth a little with that analogy.
We met up so I could browse her closet and we picked an outfit each, picked a date, and caught up about life after. The next day I went to downtown to plan a route for how I wanted this shoot to go. Because ya know its important to storyboard mentally how you want events to go that you are planning. At least in my world.
Alicia Keys so simple is so playing in my head right now.
The day came and I was one of the few who realized that drinking and driving isn’t a good thing and spent the night at a friends house after a bday party. Safety First. Fast Forward through slow service at Midnight Diner, Goodbyes, college buddy group photos, and me going home to showering (because ya know hygiene is key), it was shoot time.
She had never modeled before and I was like girl you’ll be fine.
And she was, Legitly.
She had a lot of excitement and I didn’t regret my choice. She channeled her Americas Next Top Model as she got comfortable being in front of the camera. I almost felt bad for all the soft serve shit I gave her in the cotton field. Almost.
Everything for the next few hours were Kool….. except when my nuts met a guard rail. HOLY FUCK OF FUCKING FUCKED CUNTS, FUCKING JOB HAZARDS. She told me to shhh my yelling because a child was near by. NIGGA FUCK THAT CHILD!!. My tender freshly clean nuts just got more tenderized by this fucking metal guard rail. NIGGA!!!!
Spoiler Alert, if we do a shoot and I get hurt in an extreme way I will yell. No fucks shall be given about the opinions and ear drums of the surrounding people. None, no such fucks shall exist.
Anyway to see the by product of this blissfully planned day go here.
In case ya’ll have been wondering why I keep emphasizing how easy things went is because the next four photoshoots I talk about were arduous as when Vegeta was trying to become a Super Saiyan. Didn’t get that anime reference? Fine, it was like trying to avoid spoilers on the internet when you haven’t seen an episode or movie yet. Actually I rather try to avoid spoilers then deal with the fuckery I dealt with last summer.
Ironically enough despite planning it is happening again this year.
Spoiler Alert, the next few issues will be full of shade, sarcasm and salt. So much Salt that you would think I was gonna put Mortons Salt out of business.
The moment you realize that your Art Journey is similar to a Role Playing Game.
A series of flashbacks of my art journey since the summer of that fuck boy 2016.
OOOOOOOOH
Right now that my special issues are out of the way, we go back to where we left off. 2017.
Man, two thousand fucking seventeen. Holy fuck my niggas it was a legit a god damn motha fucking journey.
Was it as bad as 2016?
No, but I promise you it felt like an RPG at some point in this journey. Spoiler alert we will get to that in a few issues.
But for now we are gonna enjoy simple times and talk about the first photoshoot I did of last year. Spoiler Alert I got paid for it. YES LAWD * Anderson Paak voice. I could afford life for a brief moment in my continued unemployment stint.
One Friday night in January while I was watching YuYu Hakusho when right at Yusuke and Sensui were starting their battle, my phone went off. Hermit me was like who in blue hell is emailing me. It was my actress homegirl England Simpson. Her and her twin sister wanted to do a photoshoot, and the theme of it was to be similar to Beyonce’s Lemonade music video.
Ok so this may piss some people off (Oh well) but I don’t like Beyonce enough to keep up with her music. She is ok but do I care when she release something, nah not at all.
So I watch the Lemonade video to see what they want. Real Shit main thing I saw was a plantation. What? It couldn’t have been just me. Then went to my Bff Google to see if Charlotte has any plantations and holy fuck it does. Legit wasn’t ready for that. Damn the monuments of slavery still fucking exist along side systematic racism and oppression.
FIX IT OBAMA PLEASE!!
Remember when I said 2017 was a journey. Well this was the first part of the literally journey. Spoiler Alert, I drove around a lot last year scouting locations.
So I spent my Sunday plantation hunting, yes that was a legit a thing.
The first place was a pass and honestly not worth describing past this sentence. Place two, hot damn. I arrive and as soon as I pull into the property this old white meth face lady hits the gas and follows me like I am a runaway slave. At some point we both open our windows, I lead to ask her some questions. Her answer was basically leave nigger before I Lynch ya.
Well damn.
Then she drove to chase someone else down. Look Bitch if you don’t want people to visit, close the fucking gate to your low budget Candy Land. Points if you caught the Django reference. Should have burned that whole bitch down.
Place three was a legit charm, well despite the fact that it was a plantation. As much as I hate slavery, I legit never saw myself looking for a plantation. Anyway Latta Plantation was the location and it ddef had that old colonial vibe of Lynch a nigger, rape his wife and then raise the child to be a foot stool, Ding Ding Ding we had a winner. Thank you for still existing a racist ass testament to the dark ages.
I email my friends and tell them that we are all set, Kinda, turns out they would be closed on the day we wanted to shoot.
Fuck. But do I give them points for being closed on Martin Luther King Jr day? Nah cuz it is still fucking plantation.
We defaulted to Independence Park which is off Hawthorne Lane….not Independence Boulevard….wait what? Fuck it. Anyway nigga it was cold as fuck. I need to get that out the way before we continue to establish the setting of this narrative. England and Ingrid had their poses already worked out and how they wanted to go, which made the shoot go faster was fine since it was cold as fuck. Did I say it was as cold as fuck earlier? Just making sure. I think I had one idea I wanted them to bring to life but that was it, and I’m Kool with that.
And that’s all folks, we came back to my place and they picked out their photos as well what they wanted edit wise.
To see some of the pictures from that project, click here.
Real shit I would type more but I think I’m done now. I’m going to indulge myself in Final Fantasy 7 for the first time. I know I’m 20 years late with that. Same with me just now starting to listen to Incubus. Either are a good distraction from recent depression episodes and this existential crisis. Yeah those are loads of fun, not really.
