Wait what was the last issue about? Wait…oh yea….Whale Sharks….right literally almost forgot. Sorry having Corona kinda fucked me up.
Yea, I had it. The past 2 weeks were an unnecessary adventure. Do you remember in YuYu Hakusho when Genkai gave Yusuke her spirit orb and he had to absorb it in his body. Some moments he was fine and the next his whole body was on fire, as he laid there cationic.
Yea it was a lot like that, for me. I wish I had a fucking spirit animal to fucking flap around bringing me water. But as if. What would really make up for it would be walking into my old cotton field and murdering the person who caused this fiasco. But ya know murder is problematic (esp if you are black) and my throat lumps up even with allergy meds and a mask.
Ugh, so much fucking As if.
At least I lived, thats important.
Man I don’t know why I am having an issue with words this month. It’s annoying.
Fuck the segue then.
Today on Jano’s Bizarre Art Adventure, it is cosplay time. Come on tell a friend. Meh, that was trash.
It is now fall of the trying times of 2020. I just restarted working at a cotton field I hoped to never to return to. But desperation creates strange bed fellows. Desperation is honestly an over simplification of things. I legit hate job searching, so much. So fucking much but considering how I never got unemployment from the last slave pit, it was 6 months of no income, and I know it doesn’t take much or long to get hired figured I might as well.
Anyway around November I was scrolling through one of my social people timelines and I asked myself.
Why haven’t I asked my homeboy to model for me as Luke Cage?
We didn’t really come up with an answer, so I hit up my friend and asked would he be down. He was in fact down and we chose a date to do this.
Spoiler Alert, this is actually a really simple issue…and so are the next few too actually. This is kinda odd, but welcome all things considered.
So we chose a date, that wasn’t that hard. It just had to be after I woke up from a slave based nap. Side note the first few months I was working 4am to 8am (830 am, 9am depending how much Masta wanted us to pick.Fun) The place I chose was Camp North End, I had been here a few times, but for him it was his first time. Our GPS’s decided to send us in two different directions, and since I semi know the place I went to the area he was at. Probably for the best because the park situation was not the best where I was.
We met up and I said the classic line of I haven’t seen you since before the plague. No really, I hadn’t. Literally the last time was his bday w.end In February when we all partied and got brunch the day after as usual not knowing a month later when everything would be shut down and fucked with a big corona laced penis that would kill oh so many like a Thanos snap.
Tell me I’m lying.
We chatted as he got his gear, and I looked around as to where I wanted to shoot him first. Side note, aside from the Netflix show I know nothing about Luke Cage, I don’t. I had googled some Pinterest images of additional ways for him to pose, but I was literally assuming since he had been the character he would know about him.
And he did.
We shot for at least 2 hrs. It would have been more BUT there was a literal sea of people between us and the other side of where wanted to go. Some of them weren’t wearing mask either, in a pandemic….nah its time to go. So we did. we picked another date and met up ironically enough the day of my 2nd art show.
WOOT WOOT, I did another art show. which I prob won’t be doing an issue about. *shrugs*. I had thought about it, but meh idk. I’ve done 3 at this point, side note.
The 2nd half went the same as the first, the only difference was now I knew the capabilities of my lenses. Something I honestly should have known for years, but I didn’t. Probably would have helped out in some scenarios, but whatever we are here now.
Spoiler Alert, I was trained in photography the same way Goku was trained in martial arts. That nigga just met people and they thought him shit. Literally thats how I learned. Imagine if I actually went to class, I’d be so much better a yeet gawd.
Curious about this 2 part issue, haha comic pun. Click here.
I’m gonna go enjoy my last night of not working and work on my book. Ugh I don’t wanna go back, I don’t. I have to take a survey before I go back, it’d be a shame if I chose answers that gave me another week off.
OMG Jano, are you still sick?
Nah, but do they know that? Do I talk to anyone at that cotton field on a level that they know about my nickname, or my website? Do motha fuckas even read fully?
Here we are the last issue of the year, well last planned issue of the year. Unless something interesting happens….yea this is the last issue of the year. Usually I would start off with some random blurbs about the current circumstances of my life, but this issue is lengthy as fuck.
Jano how long?
Think RPG playtime, final anime boss battle long.
Yea, trust me living it felt a lot longer. OMG it felt like waiting for Planet Namek to explode.
In April of 2017 I thought it be kool to do a shoot about a mermaid. I don’t know if it was because of the internet or the voice of my ancestors, but that idea was planted in my head and damn it stuck. Oh how it stuck. It stuck like a super chain of STDs a serial rapist got for violating the personal space of others who had their own STDS..
As usual I went to Craigslist to sweep through the various communities in hopes to find one that can possibly bring my idea to life. But this time I had another problem to figure out. So in case you haven’t been paying attention I live in Charlotte, North Carolina. And for those who weren’t paying attention in elementary school social studies, it lies within the Piedmont region. Which, spoiler alert, means that there isn’t any coastlines or beaches near me. At best there are lakes and rivers, but that is about it.
So not only did I have to find a model, I had to figure where the fuck I was going to do this shoot at. I made an ad for help on that and color me shocked that it didn’t take that long. This dude replied and said that he would be willing to help me out and let me shoot it at as his fathers house. His father resides in South Carolina for some reason and he was house sitting for him. He sent me a picture of the area and I went YES LAAAAAWD * Anderson Paak voice. He wanted to meet first, which makes sense. I let him know at some point that I was black male, cuz we all know sometimes being black comes at ya fast even when you are doing ordinary things such as living.
Real Shit, I was nervous as fuck about this.
But Jano, haven’t you met people off the internet before?
Duh, but never has it been an elder white guy who was going to use his parents house to let me do a photo shoot to fulfill my art dreams. Even typing that now it sounds odd. Fuck, shits crazy.
Despite that we set a date to meet one May morning. The things we do for our dreams.I drove over to his house, with a box cutter in my bag and my home girl informed of my location just in case shit got weird, well weirder. Dude was odd, kool, but odd. The scariest moment of the whole conversation was when he told me how he got rid of stray cats that roamed into his yard. My niggas eyes were so lifeless when he talked of their disposal.
At some point we went to his dad’s house and OMG, the picture he had sent me didn’t do it justice. I fell more in love with the photographic potential more so. OMG. However, there was only problem with this whole scenario. Due to the nature of this dudes job of being an organ delivery driver, if he got called to do a delivery that shoot would have have to be postponed for another time since he wanted to be there on the property. That nagging factor bothered me. I told him I would be back in contact with him once I solidified a model and a time, which was true at the time. But you know life it is a fickle cunt. The girls who had shown interest prior to the meeting went full ghost when I reached back out to them. BLARGH.
Before we go back to the model hunt, lets get these other details out the way. First off the location, since back up plans are a necessary thing. The place creepy cat killer had showed me was near Latta Plantation Park. Yes, the place I mentioned several issues ago. On a whim I decided to walk the path less traveled, Literally. When I was there before I had never walked any of the trails, so I figured might as well.
Yay for whims.
The environment was so Shway for the narrative I wanted to present. At the end of the trial there was a peninsula that had a nice view of the lake and barely any traces of humanity. Side note when I was surveying the area, there were people Jet skiing, I was so hoping one of them would drown and die. Anyway. Safe to say this was my location, I legit never contacted that creepy cat guy again. He has a name, but honestly at this point it doesn’t matter.
As the search for a non fickle model continued, I had to craft some props for this shoot. Timeline wise, we are in mid June at this point. I legit have never crafted shit in my life, aside from art projects in school I never had to. But you are surprised what you learn to do when there is an aesthetic you have in mind. Shout out to Youtube and Pintrest teaching how to use my hands in more magical ways. The goal one Friday June night was to make a mermaid bra and crown. Hobby Lobby and Walmart is where I got most of my supplies, in particular seashells, pipe cleaner, ribbon, and hot glue gun, There was a tiara I needed, which I promise you I have seen a million times before this day BUT the day I actually was going to buy it. Nope couldn’t be found at all. I legit bounced from several different stores to find a fucking tiara. Blessed be Super Target for having it and a bag of jewels. As for the tail, one of my home girls was a mermaid for the last halloween. She said I could borrow her dress, she didn’t have the exact dress but had one similar that I can make it look mermaid tail esque.
Now for the models. Side note, shout out to it being a snow day because real shit this is a lot to navigate through my memories. If I had picked cotton today this wouldn’t be getting done.
Anyway, the model search. Because that is the one thing that is missing from this whole fucking saga.
Spoiler alert; the upcoming contains fuckery, confusion, betrayal and more fuckery than should be encountered.
At this point we are still in June, the girls who had expressed interest were no longer replying and others were replying who honestly I didn’t like their face or vibe. I told ya’ll I’m picky, no apologies.
I was following one girl on IG, and decided to DM her to see if she was down for the concept. And she was….kinda.
When I reached out again to see if she was available for the next week, she had informed me that she got signed to a modeling agency. Congrats I told her and the convo ended there oddly. I hit her back a week later to see if she was free the following w.end, she asked if her manager had informed me of her rates.
Bitch a few weeks ago you were so down for the TFP. Now you done got brand new and talking about some rates? The fuck you mean rates? Look I respect the craft, but I can’t afford the craft. Especially when I am working erratic seasonal project jobs with end dates after not working for a year and 4 months. Maybe when I am full level up adult with a stable job, but right now I am relying on the kindness of strangers who with mutual interest to help me make my art dreams come true. I told her I’ll have to pass because of the whole job situation. A legit reason because I was laid off again mid July and didn’t work again until September.
This shit is aggravating. Even recounting this arc is aggravating. I wanna drink some Jano Juice to soothe my spirit. Maybe this weekend.
So there was another girl who replied to one of my witch photoshoot ads. I never replied to her about that because obviously I found someone who matched what I wanted more so. But this girl had a mermaid tattoo, so I thought to ask her. MAAAAAAN I shouldn’t have. She had asked how much was she going to paid.
Bitch hold up. In the ads I am very upfront about the only compensation will be copies of the final images. I was so clear about that, so fucking clear. There legit is no room for interpretation. At all. Aside from that maybe you should not reply with ads with dirty bathroom selfies. you pasty posh cunt face.
Ok I’m done for now.
At this point it is July and I’m aggravated, so fucking aggravated. I placed a final ad on Craigslist and I won’t lie I aired out all my grievances. In particulate don’t waste my time with this, if you aren’t serious about this please don’t waste my time and please read all of the ad before asking me stupid fucking questions.
Of course someone replied….
Spoiler Alert; this is the climax of the story. Oh so much climax. That sentence probably does not make sense but fuck it.
Her name was Marlene, and she wanted to know more about the project. I told her and at some point she shared how she always felt she has been a mermaid all of her life. Who the fuck am I to argue that you felt like a mythical creature? If thats what you feel when you wake up, feel it. In my mind it will translate great in the images. Fuck Big Dick Energy, You got that mermaid energy. She inquired about a tail and since it actually seemed like I finally had a model for this fucking project, I figured I actually extend the effort to make it. I hit up my home girl who helped me with Demented Rose and Scarlet Tracks since she is big into cosplay and crafting. I was hoping she had a quick way to make a tail since every way I saw was complicated as fuck. Her answer was to buy one, and I was like nah. I’m legit not spending over 100 on fucking mermaid tail, in case you guys haven’t been paying attention I’ve been dealing with some fickle ass cunts. And I didn’t wanna be stuck with a tail for a model who went ghost on me.
So my homegirl decided to help me out, she said would be willing to help me out. She had recently brought one and would be willing to let this girl use her tail if they were the same size to help me achieve my dreams.
Ya’ll I felt like a person in that one moment. Kinda how in How The Grinch Stole Christmas when his heart grew 3 sizes bigger for some sentimental reason which I can’t exactly remember. She was Cindy Lou Hoo and I was the Grinch who was essentially at the spiritual place of fuck this.
Spoiler Alert,I have a legit complex in case you couldn’t tell.
Emotional Moment Over.
Ironically enough new girl and my friend both wear the same size. The next thing we had to do was see if the bra and crown I made fit. The crown did, but the bra that was something else. SO I let her borrow some of my supplies that I brought to make a bra, we had set a date, I told my friend and we were all in agreement.
August came as well the week of the shoot, and I messaged new girl asking are we still down for the weekend and was the bra done. She told me that she had been busy with work and school.
Ok here is the thing, I checked UNCC’s school calendar. School hadn’t started yet, it wasn’t going to start until a week later. But I assumed she meant getting ready for school. Man when your ancestors tell you fuckery is afoot, you listen to your ancestors. Thursday came and I asked was she still down for the shoot, and she replied saying that wouldn’t be.
So I had to tell my homegirl lives in Raleigh, who took off from work not to come down. She wasn’t happy about it. I can’t blame her, I would be pissed off too. So the next day since my shoot wasn’t happening, I decided to go scout Midtown Park for a future photoshoot I wanna do at some point. I get home and check my snapchat…..this bitch is driving to Baltimore, Maryland.
WHORE!!! I COULD KILL YOU!!!!!! NOT ONLY DID YOU WASTE MY TIME!!!! YOU WASTED MY FRIENDS TIME WHO WAS WILLING TO ME OUT!!!!. I SHOULD CUT YOUR BOULDER SIZE BREAST OFF AND THROW THEM AT YOUR FUCKING HEAD YOU FILTHY SNOBBISH CUNT!!!!!!!
I was so god damn mad.I wanted no still want to set her apartment on fire and hope someone beats her head with a brick as she tries to escape.
I apologize to my friend, for the fact that her time was wasted and this snobbish bitch wasn’t as professional as she seemed. I asked her would she be my mermaid to help me out, she texted me after I got the email saying she would do anything to help me out. Legit felt joy and felt like I mattered to someone. I have never heard those words uttered to me before, at all. And still haven’t since then.
There goes that trash complex again.
Me and her picked a date, and at some point she came down. The first time I had seen her in a year, awwww tender moments. Problem was she forgot the bra, so we had to wait another week to do the shoot. She apologized but it was kool, at this point one more week wasn’t going to hurt all things considered. She came back down a week later, she wanted to stop by Hobby Lobby and got some supplies.
This was it and it was finally happening. 4 months later it was finally happening. Ya’ll have no idea how arduous the past 4 months had been.You legit don’t. At this point we are the on the first weekend of September. I just got a new job, the sun is starting to set earlier and the wind has gotten a chill in it that hasn’t been felt in months. Luckily the area I want to shoot my friend is pretty vacant, as in there is no one there to obstruct the background. People are legit the worse.
The narrative I had in mind was ironically similar to The Little Mermaid, Mermaid washes on shore and explores the new world.I say ironic because I never saw The Little Mermaid. Well I saw it in Spanish in 11th grade, so that doesn’t really count. She switched between her tail and the dress of my friend. At some point that fall chill became a thing and she got cold, so I tried to wrap it up as soon as I can. Defiantly didn’t want her to catch a cold because of me, my conscious can’t deal with that. When it was all said and done we went to get something to eat and watched youtube videos, as my body remembered I need to stretch before I do these shoots that involve me acting like Nightcrawler. Acrobatic as fuck even though I ain’t been to the gym in years.
But wait, before we show the pictures from this saga. We need to finish the arc first.
But Jano, what do you mean….oh that Siren faced no ass bastard.
Well, at some point she called me a week after we were supposed to shoot. But yo wtf do we have to talk about? Honestly I am not a confrontational person, I’m pretty chill until you piss me off. Waisting me and my friends time is def a way to piss me off. *Yusuke Urameshi voice. The day after me and my homegirl did our photoshoot, I checked my snapchat and Siren face had posted a video of the shells and a net saying something about mermaid things or something to that effect. A few days later there was a photo she posted about with her mermaid hashtags. Oh nah, I need my shit back. See I only let her borrow those materials to help me out, not to shoot with some other nigga.
I emailed her and we agreed on a time that week…man that meeting was so awkward. Every cell in my usually chill being wanted to take the net off the wall and Lynch her like they lynched black people in the south, but I kept it together. My father has this saying don’t piss on me and tell me it is rain. This bitch legit treated me like R.Kelly did those teenagers in the early 2000s, metaphorically. I’ll be damn if I let a cunt whore piss on em. The lies she told of how she really wanted to do the shoot but was really busy. Bitch you did the shoot, you didn’t do it with me but you did it. Pretty sure you never even thought of doing a mermaid shoot until you saw that Ad on Craigslist.
Moral of Story, Fuck it I don’t know. Infer one for yourself. But if you get a chance to choke a bitch with a net they made that is hanging on the wall, take that opportunity. Life will figure out the rest later.
I told ya’ll this was a long story, if you actually read the whole thing. Congrats your reward is here.
Hell typing this was exhausting as fuck. Shout out to this snow day again because otherwise I would have been too exhausted to recall this fuckery. I felt like I just wrote a paper when I was at UNCG.
In other news that is fuckery free, I finally finished storyboarding my comic Azure Ascendance. Now the only thing left to do is color the remaining issues. YAAAAASSSS got the impending coloring coma.At least I got that done, sadly I didn’t get all the photoshoots done this year that I wanted. Hopefully the last 3 won’t be no where near this difficult as this was, hopefully. MAN, even typing this arc was a headache.
Anyway. thats it folks. The next issue won’t be no where near this heavy and filled with salt. Its actually the last photoshoot I did of 2017, which will be the first issue…of next…..year…..FUCK IT.
A series of flashbacks of my art journey since the summer of that fuck boy 2016.
Right now that my special issues are out of the way, we go back to where we left off. 2017.
Man, two thousand fucking seventeen. Holy fuck my niggas it was a legit a god damn motha fucking journey.
Was it as bad as 2016?
No, but I promise you it felt like an RPG at some point in this journey. Spoiler alert we will get to that in a few issues.
But for now we are gonna enjoy simple times and talk about the first photoshoot I did of last year. Spoiler Alert I got paid for it. YES LAWD * Anderson Paak voice. I could afford life for a brief moment in my continued unemployment stint.
One Friday night in January while I was watching YuYu Hakusho when right at Yusuke and Sensui were starting their battle, my phone went off. Hermit me was like who in blue hell is emailing me. It was my actress homegirl England Simpson. Her and her twin sister wanted to do a photoshoot, and the theme of it was to be similar to Beyonce’s Lemonade music video.
Ok so this may piss some people off (Oh well) but I don’t like Beyonce enough to keep up with her music. She is ok but do I care when she release something, nah not at all.
So I watch the Lemonade video to see what they want. Real Shit main thing I saw was a plantation. What? It couldn’t have been just me. Then went to my Bff Google to see if Charlotte has any plantations and holy fuck it does. Legit wasn’t ready for that. Damn the monuments of slavery still fucking exist along side systematic racism and oppression.
FIX IT OBAMA PLEASE!!
Remember when I said 2017 was a journey. Well this was the first part of the literally journey. Spoiler Alert, I drove around a lot last year scouting locations.
So I spent my Sunday plantation hunting, yes that was a legit a thing.
The first place was a pass and honestly not worth describing past this sentence. Place two, hot damn. I arrive and as soon as I pull into the property this old white meth face lady hits the gas and follows me like I am a runaway slave. At some point we both open our windows, I lead to ask her some questions. Her answer was basically leave nigger before I Lynch ya.
Then she drove to chase someone else down. Look Bitch if you don’t want people to visit, close the fucking gate to your low budget Candy Land. Points if you caught the Django reference. Should have burned that whole bitch down.
Place three was a legit charm, well despite the fact that it was a plantation. As much as I hate slavery, I legit never saw myself looking for a plantation. Anyway Latta Plantation was the location and it ddef had that old colonial vibe of Lynch a nigger, rape his wife and then raise the child to be a foot stool, Ding Ding Ding we had a winner. Thank you for still existing a racist ass testament to the dark ages.
I email my friends and tell them that we are all set, Kinda, turns out they would be closed on the day we wanted to shoot.
Fuck. But do I give them points for being closed on Martin Luther King Jr day? Nah cuz it is still fucking plantation.
We defaulted to Independence Park which is off Hawthorne Lane….not Independence Boulevard….wait what? Fuck it. Anyway nigga it was cold as fuck. I need to get that out the way before we continue to establish the setting of this narrative. England and Ingrid had their poses already worked out and how they wanted to go, which made the shoot go faster was fine since it was cold as fuck. Did I say it was as cold as fuck earlier? Just making sure. I think I had one idea I wanted them to bring to life but that was it, and I’m Kool with that.
And that’s all folks, we came back to my place and they picked out their photos as well what they wanted edit wise.
To see some of the pictures from that project, click here.
Real shit I would type more but I think I’m done now. I’m going to indulge myself in Final Fantasy 7 for the first time. I know I’m 20 years late with that. Same with me just now starting to listen to Incubus. Either are a good distraction from recent depression episodes and this existential crisis. Yeah those are loads of fun, not really.