Its 2019 and it is a legit warm day opposed day compared to how cold it felt during the fall. MAN I hope it stays like this for like the rest of winter. My bank account would so appreciate it. Legit don’t want to pay more of a gas bill than necessary. No seriously. Keeping warm is fun until you have to pay for it.SMH.
Anyway right now I am legit typing this after deep throating a Burrito at Qdoba and fighting my urge to fully pass the fuck out like I usually do post cotton field. Spoiler Alert, I legit picked cotton today. No seriously. I felt the pain of my ancestors today in a diluted form, Moments like this why I totally sided with Killmonger. Nigga where the fuck is Wakanda??
This issue will actually be a stark contrast to the last four in terms of the amount of salt, shade and sarcasm. As in little to none.
But Jano why? I like the asshole part of you.
Awwww thanks, I actually feel warm because of that. Still tired as shit, but just a lil bit warm. Is this what humanity feels like?
But this issue is a family issue, and the events of this photoshoot was no where near as difficult as the last four. Side note this is the last photoshoot I did of 2017. By choice? No, but we will talk about that later on.
MAAAAN 2017-2018 was an existential nightmare. As Avril Lavigne’s complicated plays in my head now.
Hell this issue probably won’t be that long.
So my really close awesome homegirl friend, mother of the child I shot in Nature Badge, told me that she wanted to get photos of all her children. And since her and I have been besties since the era of Tom and Myspace I said that’s kool. The only actual issue there was with his entire shoot was to pick a time that we were both available.
In case you forgot I wasn’t working for 9 weeks over the summer of 2017, and when I did start working again it was back in the cursed land of retail. Fun. She told me about this Freedom Park Festival thing, which I literally have never heard of before a day in my life. Interestingly enough my schedule for that week allowed me to be free when she wanted. Look at retail hours not fucking up my life. Kinda.I was working 5am shifts, which are kool to a point., but nigga when you get off your body is ready to crash like *insert crashing body reference here.
Around the time it was time for me to get off I saw the store getting filled with people and it looked like my coworkers needed help…and I made no effort to help at all. Nope, no such help existed. I went to Food Lion to get cookies for the kids for a bribe. Yep, I’m not ashamed of it. I’m not good with children at all, so if snacks as a reward are gonna help you said children right so I can get photos of said children, then damn it I’m gonna buy snacks, with the parents permission. Consent is key.,
We all arrive at the park, and I’m legit trying to stay awake and keep up with the pace of life. I talked mostly to my home girls eldest daughter who I shot before, still not legit use to children liking me. Unlike R.Kelly I don’t spend time around underaged people. The whole event was fun though, the kids got their face painted, had funnel cakes, play on the playground, and did other kid things. At some point I got pointed out that a member of the Carolina Panthers was there. Don’t ask me who I legit couldn’t tell ya.
I told ya’ll this is a pretty peaceful issue. Did I give the Spoiler alert? if not
Spoiler Alert, this is a pretty peaceful issue.
To see the chillest and most relaxed photoshoot I did of 2017 click here.. Most of these are candids, but I do candids oh so well.
Anyway like I said this is the last shoot I did of 2017. Next issue will be the start of the existential crisis that was 2018.
Spoiler Alert, unlike 2017 all of the photoshoots I did in 2018 will be premiered on may website this year.
SMH.
Anyway, I am about to do what I did after the events of this shoot….go home and pass the fuck out. Well probably after I watch Naruto and One Piece. This year I’m on the final episodes of Naruto, and the DressRosa Arc of One Piece. At some point before next issue I need to beat Final Fantasy 7. Especially since I just ordered X-Men vs Street Fighter. I can finally play it in the manner it was intended 20 years ago. 14 year old Jano would be happy as fuck.
Here we are the last issue of the year, well last planned issue of the year. Unless something interesting happens….yea this is the last issue of the year. Usually I would start off with some random blurbs about the current circumstances of my life, but this issue is lengthy as fuck.
Jano how long?
Think RPG playtime, final anime boss battle long.
DAMN!
Yea, trust me living it felt a lot longer. OMG it felt like waiting for Planet Namek to explode.
In April of 2017 I thought it be kool to do a shoot about a mermaid. I don’t know if it was because of the internet or the voice of my ancestors, but that idea was planted in my head and damn it stuck. Oh how it stuck. It stuck like a super chain of STDs a serial rapist got for violating the personal space of others who had their own STDS..
As usual I went to Craigslist to sweep through the various communities in hopes to find one that can possibly bring my idea to life. But this time I had another problem to figure out. So in case you haven’t been paying attention I live in Charlotte, North Carolina. And for those who weren’t paying attention in elementary school social studies, it lies within the Piedmont region. Which, spoiler alert, means that there isn’t any coastlines or beaches near me. At best there are lakes and rivers, but that is about it.
So not only did I have to find a model, I had to figure where the fuck I was going to do this shoot at. I made an ad for help on that and color me shocked that it didn’t take that long. This dude replied and said that he would be willing to help me out and let me shoot it at as his fathers house. His father resides in South Carolina for some reason and he was house sitting for him. He sent me a picture of the area and I went YES LAAAAAWD * Anderson Paak voice. He wanted to meet first, which makes sense. I let him know at some point that I was black male, cuz we all know sometimes being black comes at ya fast even when you are doing ordinary things such as living.
Real Shit, I was nervous as fuck about this.
But Jano, haven’t you met people off the internet before?
Duh, but never has it been an elder white guy who was going to use his parents house to let me do a photo shoot to fulfill my art dreams. Even typing that now it sounds odd. Fuck, shits crazy.
Despite that we set a date to meet one May morning. The things we do for our dreams.I drove over to his house, with a box cutter in my bag and my home girl informed of my location just in case shit got weird, well weirder. Dude was odd, kool, but odd. The scariest moment of the whole conversation was when he told me how he got rid of stray cats that roamed into his yard. My niggas eyes were so lifeless when he talked of their disposal.
At some point we went to his dad’s house and OMG, the picture he had sent me didn’t do it justice. I fell more in love with the photographic potential more so. OMG. However, there was only problem with this whole scenario. Due to the nature of this dudes job of being an organ delivery driver, if he got called to do a delivery that shoot would have have to be postponed for another time since he wanted to be there on the property. That nagging factor bothered me. I told him I would be back in contact with him once I solidified a model and a time, which was true at the time. But you know life it is a fickle cunt. The girls who had shown interest prior to the meeting went full ghost when I reached back out to them. BLARGH.
But.
Before we go back to the model hunt, lets get these other details out the way. First off the location, since back up plans are a necessary thing. The place creepy cat killer had showed me was near Latta Plantation Park. Yes, the place I mentioned several issues ago. On a whim I decided to walk the path less traveled, Literally. When I was there before I had never walked any of the trails, so I figured might as well.
Yay for whims.
The environment was so Shway for the narrative I wanted to present. At the end of the trial there was a peninsula that had a nice view of the lake and barely any traces of humanity. Side note when I was surveying the area, there were people Jet skiing, I was so hoping one of them would drown and die. Anyway. Safe to say this was my location, I legit never contacted that creepy cat guy again. He has a name, but honestly at this point it doesn’t matter.
As the search for a non fickle model continued, I had to craft some props for this shoot. Timeline wise, we are in mid June at this point. I legit have never crafted shit in my life, aside from art projects in school I never had to. But you are surprised what you learn to do when there is an aesthetic you have in mind. Shout out to Youtube and Pintrest teaching how to use my hands in more magical ways. The goal one Friday June night was to make a mermaid bra and crown. Hobby Lobby and Walmart is where I got most of my supplies, in particular seashells, pipe cleaner, ribbon, and hot glue gun, There was a tiara I needed, which I promise you I have seen a million times before this day BUT the day I actually was going to buy it. Nope couldn’t be found at all. I legit bounced from several different stores to find a fucking tiara. Blessed be Super Target for having it and a bag of jewels. As for the tail, one of my home girls was a mermaid for the last halloween. She said I could borrow her dress, she didn’t have the exact dress but had one similar that I can make it look mermaid tail esque.
Now for the models. Side note, shout out to it being a snow day because real shit this is a lot to navigate through my memories. If I had picked cotton today this wouldn’t be getting done.
Anyway, the model search. Because that is the one thing that is missing from this whole fucking saga.
Spoiler alert; the upcoming contains fuckery, confusion, betrayal and more fuckery than should be encountered.
*Deep Breath*
At this point we are still in June, the girls who had expressed interest were no longer replying and others were replying who honestly I didn’t like their face or vibe. I told ya’ll I’m picky, no apologies.
I was following one girl on IG, and decided to DM her to see if she was down for the concept. And she was….kinda.
When I reached out again to see if she was available for the next week, she had informed me that she got signed to a modeling agency. Congrats I told her and the convo ended there oddly. I hit her back a week later to see if she was free the following w.end, she asked if her manager had informed me of her rates.
Rates?
Bitch a few weeks ago you were so down for the TFP. Now you done got brand new and talking about some rates? The fuck you mean rates? Look I respect the craft, but I can’t afford the craft. Especially when I am working erratic seasonal project jobs with end dates after not working for a year and 4 months. Maybe when I am full level up adult with a stable job, but right now I am relying on the kindness of strangers who with mutual interest to help me make my art dreams come true. I told her I’ll have to pass because of the whole job situation. A legit reason because I was laid off again mid July and didn’t work again until September.
FUCK.
This shit is aggravating. Even recounting this arc is aggravating. I wanna drink some Jano Juice to soothe my spirit. Maybe this weekend.
Anyway
So there was another girl who replied to one of my witch photoshoot ads. I never replied to her about that because obviously I found someone who matched what I wanted more so. But this girl had a mermaid tattoo, so I thought to ask her. MAAAAAAN I shouldn’t have. She had asked how much was she going to paid.
Bitch hold up. In the ads I am very upfront about the only compensation will be copies of the final images. I was so clear about that, so fucking clear. There legit is no room for interpretation. At all. Aside from that maybe you should not reply with ads with dirty bathroom selfies. you pasty posh cunt face.
Ok I’m done for now.
At this point it is July and I’m aggravated, so fucking aggravated. I placed a final ad on Craigslist and I won’t lie I aired out all my grievances. In particulate don’t waste my time with this, if you aren’t serious about this please don’t waste my time and please read all of the ad before asking me stupid fucking questions.
Of course someone replied….
Spoiler Alert; this is the climax of the story. Oh so much climax. That sentence probably does not make sense but fuck it.
Her name was Marlene, and she wanted to know more about the project. I told her and at some point she shared how she always felt she has been a mermaid all of her life. Who the fuck am I to argue that you felt like a mythical creature? If thats what you feel when you wake up, feel it. In my mind it will translate great in the images. Fuck Big Dick Energy, You got that mermaid energy. She inquired about a tail and since it actually seemed like I finally had a model for this fucking project, I figured I actually extend the effort to make it. I hit up my home girl who helped me with Demented Rose and Scarlet Tracks since she is big into cosplay and crafting. I was hoping she had a quick way to make a tail since every way I saw was complicated as fuck. Her answer was to buy one, and I was like nah. I’m legit not spending over 100 on fucking mermaid tail, in case you guys haven’t been paying attention I’ve been dealing with some fickle ass cunts. And I didn’t wanna be stuck with a tail for a model who went ghost on me.
So my homegirl decided to help me out, she said would be willing to help me out. She had recently brought one and would be willing to let this girl use her tail if they were the same size to help me achieve my dreams.
Ya’ll I felt like a person in that one moment. Kinda how in How The Grinch Stole Christmas when his heart grew 3 sizes bigger for some sentimental reason which I can’t exactly remember. She was Cindy Lou Hoo and I was the Grinch who was essentially at the spiritual place of fuck this.
Spoiler Alert,I have a legit complex in case you couldn’t tell.
Emotional Moment Over.
Ironically enough new girl and my friend both wear the same size. The next thing we had to do was see if the bra and crown I made fit. The crown did, but the bra that was something else. SO I let her borrow some of my supplies that I brought to make a bra, we had set a date, I told my friend and we were all in agreement.
…..
Well…
August came as well the week of the shoot, and I messaged new girl asking are we still down for the weekend and was the bra done. She told me that she had been busy with work and school.
Ok here is the thing, I checked UNCC’s school calendar. School hadn’t started yet, it wasn’t going to start until a week later. But I assumed she meant getting ready for school. Man when your ancestors tell you fuckery is afoot, you listen to your ancestors. Thursday came and I asked was she still down for the shoot, and she replied saying that wouldn’t be.
UGH.
So I had to tell my homegirl lives in Raleigh, who took off from work not to come down. She wasn’t happy about it. I can’t blame her, I would be pissed off too. So the next day since my shoot wasn’t happening, I decided to go scout Midtown Park for a future photoshoot I wanna do at some point. I get home and check my snapchat…..this bitch is driving to Baltimore, Maryland.
WHORE!!! I COULD KILL YOU!!!!!! NOT ONLY DID YOU WASTE MY TIME!!!! YOU WASTED MY FRIENDS TIME WHO WAS WILLING TO ME OUT!!!!. I SHOULD CUT YOUR BOULDER SIZE BREAST OFF AND THROW THEM AT YOUR FUCKING HEAD YOU FILTHY SNOBBISH CUNT!!!!!!!
*deep breath.
I was so god damn mad.I wanted no still want to set her apartment on fire and hope someone beats her head with a brick as she tries to escape.
I apologize to my friend, for the fact that her time was wasted and this snobbish bitch wasn’t as professional as she seemed. I asked her would she be my mermaid to help me out, she texted me after I got the email saying she would do anything to help me out. Legit felt joy and felt like I mattered to someone. I have never heard those words uttered to me before, at all. And still haven’t since then.
There goes that trash complex again.
Me and her picked a date, and at some point she came down. The first time I had seen her in a year, awwww tender moments. Problem was she forgot the bra, so we had to wait another week to do the shoot. She apologized but it was kool, at this point one more week wasn’t going to hurt all things considered. She came back down a week later, she wanted to stop by Hobby Lobby and got some supplies.
This was it and it was finally happening. 4 months later it was finally happening. Ya’ll have no idea how arduous the past 4 months had been.You legit don’t. At this point we are the on the first weekend of September. I just got a new job, the sun is starting to set earlier and the wind has gotten a chill in it that hasn’t been felt in months. Luckily the area I want to shoot my friend is pretty vacant, as in there is no one there to obstruct the background. People are legit the worse.
The narrative I had in mind was ironically similar to The Little Mermaid, Mermaid washes on shore and explores the new world.I say ironic because I never saw The Little Mermaid. Well I saw it in Spanish in 11th grade, so that doesn’t really count. She switched between her tail and the dress of my friend. At some point that fall chill became a thing and she got cold, so I tried to wrap it up as soon as I can. Defiantly didn’t want her to catch a cold because of me, my conscious can’t deal with that. When it was all said and done we went to get something to eat and watched youtube videos, as my body remembered I need to stretch before I do these shoots that involve me acting like Nightcrawler. Acrobatic as fuck even though I ain’t been to the gym in years.
But wait, before we show the pictures from this saga. We need to finish the arc first.
But Jano, what do you mean….oh that Siren faced no ass bastard.
Well, at some point she called me a week after we were supposed to shoot. But yo wtf do we have to talk about? Honestly I am not a confrontational person, I’m pretty chill until you piss me off. Waisting me and my friends time is def a way to piss me off. *Yusuke Urameshi voice. The day after me and my homegirl did our photoshoot, I checked my snapchat and Siren face had posted a video of the shells and a net saying something about mermaid things or something to that effect. A few days later there was a photo she posted about with her mermaid hashtags. Oh nah, I need my shit back. See I only let her borrow those materials to help me out, not to shoot with some other nigga.
I emailed her and we agreed on a time that week…man that meeting was so awkward. Every cell in my usually chill being wanted to take the net off the wall and Lynch her like they lynched black people in the south, but I kept it together. My father has this saying don’t piss on me and tell me it is rain. This bitch legit treated me like R.Kelly did those teenagers in the early 2000s, metaphorically. I’ll be damn if I let a cunt whore piss on em. The lies she told of how she really wanted to do the shoot but was really busy. Bitch you did the shoot, you didn’t do it with me but you did it. Pretty sure you never even thought of doing a mermaid shoot until you saw that Ad on Craigslist.
Moral of Story, Fuck it I don’t know. Infer one for yourself. But if you get a chance to choke a bitch with a net they made that is hanging on the wall, take that opportunity. Life will figure out the rest later.
I told ya’ll this was a long story, if you actually read the whole thing. Congrats your reward is here.
Hell typing this was exhausting as fuck. Shout out to this snow day again because otherwise I would have been too exhausted to recall this fuckery. I felt like I just wrote a paper when I was at UNCG.
In other news that is fuckery free, I finally finished storyboarding my comic Azure Ascendance. Now the only thing left to do is color the remaining issues. YAAAAASSSS got the impending coloring coma.At least I got that done, sadly I didn’t get all the photoshoots done this year that I wanted. Hopefully the last 3 won’t be no where near this difficult as this was, hopefully. MAN, even typing this arc was a headache.
Anyway. thats it folks. The next issue won’t be no where near this heavy and filled with salt. Its actually the last photoshoot I did of 2017, which will be the first issue…of next…..year…..FUCK IT.
First off, ya’ll Stan Lee is dead. Like Dead, like Thanos snapped away his life with the Infinity Gauntlet dead. Usually I don’t give a damn when a celebrity dies, but this shit, this shit right here nigga blew my mind. Imagine getting off work, checking your phone and seeing that an old white man you never met but who had a hand in some of the geeky intellectual properties is dead. Nigga. I had a chance to meet him at Heroes Con 2012 but the line to meet him was tooooo fucking long and I had to meet my college friends in Greensboro for a bday party that day. Plus real shit I didn’t have 90 dollars to spare. Le sigh.
Second. Winter is coming and it feels like institutional racism and the harshest oppression. There is a legit lament and heart felt yearning for it to be 90 degrees and me being unemployed like I was for four months this year as I wake up before the sun and drive through frigid temperatures.Oh god it fucking hurts. Blargh it all.
I wanted to do this issue earlier this month, but work makes me so tired that I don’t want to type anything significant lately. Kinda sad.
Anyway.
So at this point I got the witch concept knocked out the park and had two more concepts I wanted to bring to life. A masquerade theme. I legit don’t know where this came from, part of it was probably because of the internet. That darn internet and its random elements that I want to incorporate into an amalgamated theme. The initial idea hit me around May 2017 and shortly after the model hunt began.
MAN fuck this model hunt. That shit is the worse. So there was a girl I was following on IG, who I decided to message initially and she was like I’m interested. I was legit excited like damn you replied? damn you said yes? word?
But then I never heard from her again. Of course.
People would reply on Craigslist, honestly none of them were what I wanted at all. I was scrolling on my timeline again on IG and decided to ask this other girl I follow after I saw she did some modeling photos. Honestly what I liked about her was her colorful hair. Thats it, her face was ok. Nothing special. She had a basic white becky face but she was colorful.
Spoiler Alert; I told you these issues will be filled with shade, salt and sarcasm.
She was down for the idea. At some point I asked what color boa would she prefer to wear during the shoot and she told me blue. So next check I brought the boa and had an arts and crafts night,. I had some pink feathers I brought summer 2016 and tied into the boa. The masquerade mask I had from my birthday party in 2015, I applied gems and feathers to it as well.
Ya’ll, when I say I never heard from this pale face basic becky bitch again.I never heard from her again in my mother fucking life.
Jano, Maybe she never got the messages.
Nah, that bitch left me on read. I hope herpes eat her heart muscles while Paramore plays in the background as she grasps for air while she scratches her chest ferociously. Cunt.
*deep breath*
After I wrote this bitch off mentally, I remembered I had asked one of my friends to model for me summer 2016, and she said yea. I decided to see if she was still down, she was. WOOT. Yay for people you become friends with during your art journey. Back in 2011, I saw an ad in Creative Loafing about a sketch group that met at Showmars and I started going. She was a waitress and we became friends. Origin story over.
I told her about the idea, the location and what I had prop wise. The only thing we really had to decide was the date. Since I was unemployed at the time that wasn’t an issue for me. Another factor was the fucking rain, summer rain was legit forecasted every…..fucking….day.
And sometimes it wouldn’t even fucking rain. THE FUCK!!!
We picked a Sunday and it was magical. Well kinda. Two of my friends had a party the night before and I didn’t get drunk, its just that I slept in a weird position in their chair. So I really didn’t sleep, but at least I didn’t drive intoxicated so that’s something. Right?
But Nigga I was in pain the next day. She drove from Monroe to help me out. Nigga, Monroe, NC. And bitches here couldn’t even answer a message. She changed and we went to NODA. The goal was to go early because it was supposed to be hot as fuck that day. So to avoid super slave heat we went before noon, so it was only semi slave heat. She told me she never really modeled before, but for someone who never really modeled before she did a really good job. More so since I couldn’t full annunciate my ideas from lack of sleep and she filled in the blanks instantly so YAAAAAAASSS to that. Some shots I couldn’t get because I overestimated my lens. But overall I got most of the shots I wanted.
To see the images from that day with my friend with a pretty face and colorful hair click. here.
Anyway thats it for now. Next Issue will be the last issue of the year and filled with oh so much shade you would think that Unicron and Galactus is hovering the planet. Google it if you didn’t get the reference. Who would have thought searching for a mermaid would be so much fucking trouble.
Passing out now, 5am comes early. FUCK. I just want to not pick cotton for the rest of my life. There is a unique solace in being unemployed and it being 90 degrees.
Yo, I’m tired as shit. Like Really, like really fucking really. I legit haven’t felt like typing anything significant all month, tweets and facebook status don’t count.
But Jano why?
Because after four months of not working I finally started working again and my body hasn’t adjusted yet.
Wait you wasn’t working?
Yea that was a thing (again) this summer. And once I started working 4 weeks ago, I literally had the most random work and sleep schedule. The only thing I felt like doing was bathing my senses in streaming media, in particular Adventure Time, DareDevil Season 3, Seven Deadly Sins, and now Castlevania. And now here it is Halloween. Holy Fuck. Sucks my costume won’t get here until after Halloween, but my scouter arrived tho Fuckery. Blargh it all.
Anyway.
Fuck, I literally just woke up and I am trying to remember how to use words. Especially since I haven’t typed anything significant in a while. Blargh. This may legit be a short issue since I have to be up in a few hours for the new cotton field I shuck and jive for. Real shit, I kinda miss being unemployed and doing art. Awww tender moments.
Oh yea the next quest in my art journey.
So I had done one part of the photoshoot that was inspired by The Craft, but there was still another part I wanted to do. A goth girl on UNCC’s campus.
I went back to craigslist to find another model.
But Jano why didn’t you ask the model who you shot in the graveyard?
Honestly, I don’t know. Working with her was fun but just decided to find another one.
*shrugs*
There may be a more legit reason, but like I said I just woke up and probably can’t remember at this moment.
So back to a barrage of replies via Craigslist. The few people that replied I was like nah ma’am y’all ain’t it. Until one Thursday night when I was at my friends house after doing a drawing session for my comic I got an email. Bingo we had a winner.Top grade aesthetic. We agreed to shoot on the upcoming Sunday.
Legit just remembered this is actually a short story, although considering how long it took me to get to this point is what make it feels long as hell.
That Sunday arrived and she asked if we could shoot earlier than we originally agreed on, which was kool. I went to go pick her up and we headed to UNCC’s campus.
Spoiler Alert, UNCC’s campus is big as fuck. It is. Especially considered to UNCG’s. The first time I ever walked on that campus, I legit got lost trying to find my car after arriving too late for a B.O.B concert in 2010. I would walk it at times for no real reason years after and realize this place has a lot of photo potential.
We arrive on campus and she told me doesn’t have a lot of model experience, which is fine because I’m still trying to gain experience directing models. I probably would have a lot more if people didn’t ghost on me all the fucking time, yet still like my social media post. OOPS there goes that shade covered sodium chloride.
The shoot went fine though. I have everything pre visualized before I shoot someone, and whatever I forgot gets replaced by a random idea. Balance in the name of Thanos. *Finger Snap. We talked about ideas that would be fun to do as we traversed that huge sun beat campus. I dropped her off and that was that.
Yea, this is a short story after all. Fuck it. I’ll give you a verbal preview of next issue.
Jano continues his art journey with a new concept. He purchases props for the concept once he finds a model who is down for the idea but he never hears from her again as she continues to post online. Will Jano find a new model? Or will she reply to help him out?
If reading that made you go damn nigga and aroused your curiosity, then you’ll wanna read the next issue. Until then check out the images from this quest here.
Anyway, I’m over using words right now. Plus I have to be up in 4 hours for cotton field duties. Happy Halloween. Maybe next year I will get to be my favorite Saiyan Prince.
Before we get started I just want to publicly lament how I couldn’t accomplish any of my travel goals this year because of typical job fickleness. Maybe next year I can I go afford to go to DragonCon, AfroPunk, and Charleston SC.Oh the goals I had this year, and how life scoffed at said goals. Maybe next year. Hell I hope next year I can afford to use the air conditioning,NIGGA it is September and it is still hot as fuck. NIGGA!! At this point my body has adjusted to the heat, mostly.
At least Eminem dropped a new CD which I heard is fiya. Its the little things in life that give me pleasure, especially the big victories that allude me.
ANYWAY.
Spoiler Alert. The next few issues about my photography journey will be filled with mass amounts of Shade, Salt and Sarcasm. More so than usual.
So who remembers the movie The Craft? Ya know the movie with 4 witches on the west coast. Right, well I just recently saw the movie for the first time in December of the cunt bag year of 2016.
Damn Jano, why so late?
Look we can have a whole discussion of all the movies I never saw growing up, if you really want that disappointment just email me.
I saw it and my spirit liked it, so much to the point that it inspired to do a Craft themed photoshoot. April 2017 came and I took to Craigslist and placed an ad, figured since I got a model in a quick fashion last time it would be just as easy.
Things were not that easy. Not at All.
When I planned this out in my head I wanted this to be a two parter. Half of it would take place on UNCC’s campus and the other half in a graveyard. Not any graveyard, I wanted a graveyard with actual headstones not just plaques. I had to google graveyards, because not like I spend times chilling in graveyards. Well there was that one time back in summer 08 when I was home for break. Two of my friends were like lets go hang out at a graveyard and drink late Saturday night. Spoiler Alert, that shit was kinda odd at least for me, for my two homeboys it was just another night.. Fear of being arrested is a very real thing. But man things were simpler back then.
Anyway.
My graveyard search didn’t last long, literally the first place I decided to check out had the atmosphere I was looking for. Thank you Elmwood Cemetery. Now for the model.
MAAAAAAN Listen. Arduous does not define the fuckery of this process. Holy fucking fuck of AIDS cunt fuckdom. I did get some candidates who I were legit impressed by, but these basic face Beckys would stop replying. How the FUCK do you sign up to do a witch themed photoshoot but have issues taking pictures in a graveyard? Basic fucking white girls.
Dear White People, don’t claim a lifestyle that you ain’t really down for.
The other candidates who replied to the Ad, I legit didn’t like their aesthetic. At all. Spoiler Alert, I am picky at times. Despite the desire to knock out a project I’m not just gonna accept anybody. What type of nigga do you think I am? Gosh.
There was one girl who was totally excited for the entire concept. She was fine with the graveyard, I liked her face (well how she made up her face) and I genuinely thought she was going to bring my project to life.
Nope.
At some point this little pale,sour face, anorexia nervosa, spoiled cunt stopped replying to my messages when I reached out to see if she was still down. I think I saw her working at a Starbucks at Northlake mall. I legit wanted to bash her head into the pastry container and pour hot coffee on this bitch, after I pummel her to death with a god damn scone.I bet her pussy smells like rotten garlic and a spoiled Mcdonald egg mcmuffin.
Side note, I’m actually a really chill and lackadaisical person….until you waste my time or piss me off.
At this point we are in July. Yes Friends of Jano, fucking July.
A girl replies and says she wants to model for me but thinks because she is black I won’t pick her. I tell her I don’t give a fuck as long I think she can help bring my idea to life. So she replied back with her photo and I was like YAAAAAAS. I liked her face, especially since unlike the others girls who replied she didn’t have much if any make up on in any of the photos she sent me.
And now ya’ll know where I got the term basic face Beckys, because majority of the white girl population have very beat down and bland faces without make up. Google it. Even though I don’t think this should be news.Some don’t and I applaud ya’ll for over coming that genetic defect.
Anyway we make plans to meet one day. I get downtown and try to figure out a place to park, I almost had to push this old white woman into traffic when I asked her about downtown parking and she replied with a preppy attitude. Bitch I hope your lover gives you an STD, and lets a homeless person piss on your sunburnt skin.
I told ya’ll I’m full of high grade sodium chloride for the next few issues.
We meet at the Graveyard and we vibe with each other the entire time. She tells me she hasn’t modeled in a while, I tell her its Kool as we both played off each others ideas. I had to go get quarters for our parking meters at some point, as I did that she did an outfit change. The only problem I had the entire time that there was a homeless guy who 1. Looked like he was gonna take out stuff and 2. This nigga was in the back of my potential shots so I had to rearrange what I wanted to.
OMG Jano, I can’t believe you actually did a photoshoot in a graveyard.
Look, I have dreams to follow. Plus according to all the tombstones I’m pretty sure everyone buried were old racist fucking white people. And I took great joy in trampling over their hate filled graves. I would legit fuck in a graveyard, pull out and bust my nigga cum from my bbc. Bukake for all the dead racist spirits.
Reparations Nigga!! *Dave Chappelle voice.
Anyway.
When it was over we went Amelies and she told me about the type of photos she wanted to do. I was like word sounds fun. None of them have happened yet but maybe one day hopefully. In the meantime to see the photos from this day that took 3 months in the fucking making click here.
Next issue will be special issue for lack of better words, so it won’t be any where near this amount of shade and hostility. Not to say it won’t be there but it will be diluted compared to this. Until then I’m gonna finish up rewatching Gundam Wing. 18 years later I still love that show.
Holy Fuck it actually feels like fall outside, a month later after its initial arrival. I legit will miss summer minus the days it felt like having skin wasn’t necessary. Along with several other things from this past summer.
Things like what Jano?
Well not being employed, living with someone who didn’t clean after themselves, and fickle ass models. Which brings us to the subject of this issue, nice segue right?
So this summer I decided to expand my portfolio with four specific ideas. Two of which were inspired by me JUST now seeing The Craft movie ( I know I’m 20 years late), a masquerade style shoot and a mermaid. What should have taken a few weeks literally turned into a four month fucking god damn journey. Holy fucking fuck.
However.
After an unnecessary amount of bullshit from fickle ass people, I finally brought these ideas to life. I am legit satisfied as fuck with the four who helped me out, They are the real damn MVP.
But Jano what about those who were fickle as fuck with you?
I don’t give a fuck about their lives and they can get raped by a gaggle of squirrels, catch AIDS, and get their vaginas bashed with a bag of rocks superglued with glass fragments. They are completely useless to me and should be gone from my sight. Spoiler alert, no apologies at all. I’m actually pretty darn chill until you waste my time.
I’ll go into more details when I reach these shoots in my timeline, but for right now I just wanted to give a preview of what is to come. In other news I am about to start inking Act 2 of my comic series, Azure Ascendance. On another note it is amazing how much better I can focus now that I don’t live with a filthy odorous ogre.
Man there is a lot of salt in this issue, oh well. Consider your eyes seasoned for the day 🙂
In non salty news, I legit love the new Star Trek Discovery. The Gifted is ok so far, what the fuck is this Mutant Holocaust they keep alluding to? As far as this season of Gotham I hope it isn’t trash, legit getting possible trash vibes. Not as trashy as Boruto, that shit is growing flies daily. Sadly it will probably go on for another 10 years, it can’t be worse than Dragon Ball Gt, right? Never mind that may be a thing.
Man, now that I got all of this salt out of my system I feel like a person again. I’m still an asshole, but ya know a friendly asshole.
Dear Friends of Jano,
