I think I reached the point in my bizarre adventure where I am going to start calling ya’ll Jano’s Acolytes or JanoLytes for short.
Yea,I think i like the sound of that…I think.Give me until the next issue and I will know for sure.
This is it, this is the last issue of 202 fucking 1. This year has been arduous for no real reason at all. Just so abusive, almost as abusive as Big Mom on One piece. On kami, she still terrifies me. That bitch was killing her own children because she was hungry, countries wrecked because she had a sweet tooth…NIIGGAAAAAA!! But I finished the Big Mom Arc and just finished JuJutsu Kaisen less than an hour ago. Definitly late to the party on that, but i liked it.
Side Note, I legit don’t want to see anymore animes with the 3 man team format like Naruto. *side eye.
All anime tangents aside I blame all the retrogrades for the this year, I do. That is my ninja way…well ninja witch way.
Despite the turbulence I somehow got my book in a store, created my online boutique (I got earrings now bitches), and finally got to the final level of my comic series. YAAAAAAASSS Final arc time.
*Geek masturbation time.
Nice to know came out of the fire and flames with new Stands forged.
Oh Jano, was that a Jojo reference?
Why yes, yes it was.
Legit hoping next year I will make more progress in terms of completion of my book, and reaching those level 2 products i wan to make.
Huh? Time for Adventure time come on tell a friend.
This story started back in 2013 on Tate Street near UNCG.
Really? Like really fucking really? You have to start at the beginning, way back, back in time.
Yes, actually no. This story started back in 2008 when I was poking random girls on Facebook for no real reason. No there was a reason, i was socially awkward and had time between class. I poked someone and her and I became friends. At some point I met another dude through her and him and I became friends.
Actually this dude is how the Luke Cage saga occurred. Damn its wild what friendship were born because I poked someone on Facebook. Simple Times. Simple fucking times.
See Janolytes this is why history is important, especially for the sake how these shoots occured. Context Motha Fucka’s, Context.
Back to this saga.
So aforementioned homeboy had a Bday party and her and I met. Fast Foward to December 2020, yep last year. She asked me how much I charge for photo shoots and i told her. She told me about an idea she had for a birthday shoot she wanted to do and of course i’m down, esp if I’m getting paid.
Y’all getting paid for a skill you have is a great thing. You can do things like eat, buy stuff to make your heart happy, or use it to fix your car….something that happened allot this year….so fucking much.
We both decided that we will do it in 2021 because 1.I had a super slave amazon holiday schedule and 2. her schedule and she wanted to drop the Covid Lockdown 15. Which i fully get. I think i gained more than 15 last year, but I’m pretty sure i sweated it out in Jeff Bezos Slave pit.
Spoiler Alert, this is a pretty non dramatic issue. It may seem like its a Game of Thrones Saga, but nope. Not at all.
Spring came along and we started to plan possible dates. We decided on the last weekend of April. I had scouted the area where i could shoot her downtown. Initially she had said Raleigh or Greensboro, but in the end we chose here in Charlotte. Which was probably for the best considering at this point my car was acting so erratic.
I found a location, emailed her a picture collage of the area I was going to shoot her and she was excited about the potential. The weekend came and she let me know when she left Greensboro. I started to get ready and eventually headed to the location. The most dramatic part of this arc was the parking situation. Her Gps sent her to a different location. At some point her and I found each other and we walked to the location, which wasn’t far. This was our first time seeing each other since…..Summer 2015.
Man being an adult sucks, you go years without seeing your friends because of Sponsibilites. I feel your pain Angelica Pickles, I feel it.
Anyway, my home girl had a spectacular scarlet ensemble. YAAAAAAS. Spectators complimented her as we walked around.We covered a good amount of the area in an hour. When it was all said and done I walked her to her car, and she drove me back to my car. We talked about possibly doing other shoots, art journeys, college experiences and natural hair products.
And that’s all folks.
I told ya it was a pretty chill saga….well minus when I tried to upload the pictures to dropbox when i was done with the edits. Why was dropbox being a cunt? i don’t know.
Anyway to see the images from this literal Walk in a downtown park (or uptown park, whatever) click here.
With that being said this wraps up the issues for 2021 of Jano’s Bizarre Art Adventures. I still have a few more stories from this year, but they will have to wait until next year.
Because monthly tradition is important.
AYO, these essential oils are starting to take affect. I’ll see you Janolytes next year. Safe to say I have decided on dubbing you all Janolytes. I feel like i need to make a shirt of that now. I do.
Before we start can we talk Avengers End Game, like holy fuck. I won’t post spoilers, but damn my heart. Thanos was still slapping people with his big purple dick one year later. Then 2 days later I saw the Battle at Winterfell on Game of Thrones….NIGGA!!!! I was not ready for how that episode ended, at all. I need to rewatch this show when it is over in a few weeks because there is so much I don’t remember, like why the fuck The Night King was searching for Bran.
Ok so this actually a legit chill ass issue.
It is. There is no crisis, long search for a model, prop preparation, location search. None of the things that ya’ll have gotten accustomed to my issues is here.
None, no such dilemmas exist.
Thats next issue.
Its honestly comparable to one of those feel good stories episodes you see in a show after a vail of fog has been lifted and you see holes of light poking through illuminating the cast.
This issue is a continuation of this one, kinda. My homegirl from college recently surprised me with the fact that she was pregnant when I came to take pictures for their house unveiling for social media. This was in April 2018, this issue takes place June 2018.
She invited me to her gender reveal party, and obviously I went. I didn’t have to take my camera but I took my camera. Force of habit, plus since I was unemployed I had to give some type of gift and pictures of this big moment seem appropriate. For me this was an event like all the ones I attended when I volunteered at non profits and interned at church. Plus considering I barely I knew anyone there beside my homegirl, her husband and my one of our friends from our UNCG college days being occupied by my camera kept me from being completely awkward. I legit can’t contribute to conversations about stable jobs, families and having successful side business, I can’t. I know nothing of those lives.
When I wasn’t snapping photos of the event, I was mostly talking to our friend from college about how life has been since I haven’t seen him since December 2014 in Raleigh when I came for the mothers to be bday party. Between our convos there were games of guess the baby food (which seemed disgusting as fuck) and a few other ones.
Eventually we got to the big moment of the reveal, and my spider sense was right. But we will get that in a minute. The rest of the event was pretty chill, eventually everyone left and It was really my friends from college and their lovers as we sat outside and enjoyed a chill June night.
Look I told ya’ll this wasn’t a dramatic issue at all. Pretty relaxed, sometimes issues like this are good for ya, especially me since there is less I have to have PTSD about.
Anyway to see what my homegirl had go forth and click here.
See told ya this was a hella short issue, like hella fucking short. Now next months issue that’s gonna be lengthy, maybe as lengthy as the mermaid issue. In the meantime I’m gonna hopefully watch of all Gundam Iron Blood Orphans, I doubt it will be better than Gundam Wing but we will see. Finish up Naruto Shippuden and the DressRosa Arc of One Piece, I can promise you this I prob will never rewatch Naruto after this week. And work on the photos from the photoshoot I just recently did that I have been trying to do since last year.
The only thing now is to find a model for my Gold Stone Project, UGGGH.
YO its fucking March now, that shit is wild. Like holy fuck. The concept of time is blowing my mind right now, like woah. Almost as much seeing Anderson Paak in concert did. YES LAWD, that shit was amazing last week. And then Kilo Kish this week. I think concerts maybe a new thing for me, just maybe.
So this months issue is one of those family friendly, wholesome, and full of tender moments that make you believe in humanity. I guess things like this is good for you every once in a while.
Spoiler Alert, I probably won’t be ranting about the events of this shoot…probably.
Side note, I’m legit have some form of writers block right now so the writing in this issue may not be the best.
At some point in February last year while I was scripting my comic series Azure Ascendance, one of my homegirls I met in a Psychology and Law class at UNCG during my last year hit me up. She told me her and her husband were in the process of closing on their first home, and wanted to do house reveal photos. After I gave a wave of holy shit congrats for being real adults, I told her I was down. I let her know I was available on the w.ends mostly. I said mostly because I was technically working two jobs but one wasn’t scheduling me. Right it was odd, not that I was upset but thats another story.
Anyway, the date that she wanted to do the photos was actually on Easter and ironically we were close that day. Who knew? Real shit I didn’t know, I didn’t think some retail chains have souls.
*cough Ikea cough*
The day came and I headed to her new house after I got something to eat. I got in her neighborhood and was like oh yea I’m def poor poor and not a real adult. Not at all, no such real adult exist. None.
I parked and walked up to the door.When she opened the door I looked down and saw a pregnancy belly as she yelled surprise.
HOLY FUCK. Wasn’t ready, at all. Like…HOLY FUCK.
Flabbergasted is putting it mildly how shocked I was, I had to sit down. I think I shouted Holy Fuck and Congrats multiple times, along with other things to that affect. Her husband walked in, and I said you couldn’t pull out could ya? We all laughed.
Side note, we all know how babies are made right? Its 2019 and I’m not filtering my mouth for anyone because they missed sex education.
But in case you have no idea I’ll tell ya.
Spoiler Alert, babies are made when sperm bombs explode in a vagina hole.
Anyway after we caught up she told me what type of photos she wanted and we got to it.
Told ya this is a pretty undramatic issue. The only problem that existed was that I need a better lens for wide angle shots. I promise at some point I heard my knee pop while trying to get an all encompassing photo of their house.
Anyway when it was over we went to get something to eat. She asked me if I could I get them done soon so she can do a big social media reveal. So when I got home I knocked it out within a few hours.
Spoiler Alert, I’m the magical pretty negro your parents warned you about.
So Jano what are they having?
Well that will be revealed in another issue. But for right now you can check out my knee popping images here.
If all my shoots were as straight forward as this, I probably wouldn’t be so existential. Just saying.
Thats actually all for this. As far as my comic is concerned I need to do better. Legit need to do better. I haven’t progressed as far as I would want since I restarted coloring mid January.
Jano how many pages have you colored?
6. 6 fucking pages. I’m so disappointed in myself. I blame my job, I do. I’m exhausted as fuck when I get off and have a weird sleep pattern because of it. If this cotton field shut down right now, I would legit be excited because I could color to my souls content.
I just want to see comic turned animated on Netflix and Hulu, fuck these jobs that do nothing for me and my soul. Any witches reading this please feel free to help. It’ll be a nice bday gift for me this month. That and Spiderman for PS4, just saying.
Anyway, I’m going to play X-men Vs Street Fighter since I finally got it to work.
Here we are the last issue of the year, well last planned issue of the year. Unless something interesting happens….yea this is the last issue of the year. Usually I would start off with some random blurbs about the current circumstances of my life, but this issue is lengthy as fuck.
Jano how long?
Think RPG playtime, final anime boss battle long.
Yea, trust me living it felt a lot longer. OMG it felt like waiting for Planet Namek to explode.
In April of 2017 I thought it be kool to do a shoot about a mermaid. I don’t know if it was because of the internet or the voice of my ancestors, but that idea was planted in my head and damn it stuck. Oh how it stuck. It stuck like a super chain of STDs a serial rapist got for violating the personal space of others who had their own STDS..
As usual I went to Craigslist to sweep through the various communities in hopes to find one that can possibly bring my idea to life. But this time I had another problem to figure out. So in case you haven’t been paying attention I live in Charlotte, North Carolina. And for those who weren’t paying attention in elementary school social studies, it lies within the Piedmont region. Which, spoiler alert, means that there isn’t any coastlines or beaches near me. At best there are lakes and rivers, but that is about it.
So not only did I have to find a model, I had to figure where the fuck I was going to do this shoot at. I made an ad for help on that and color me shocked that it didn’t take that long. This dude replied and said that he would be willing to help me out and let me shoot it at as his fathers house. His father resides in South Carolina for some reason and he was house sitting for him. He sent me a picture of the area and I went YES LAAAAAWD * Anderson Paak voice. He wanted to meet first, which makes sense. I let him know at some point that I was black male, cuz we all know sometimes being black comes at ya fast even when you are doing ordinary things such as living.
Real Shit, I was nervous as fuck about this.
But Jano, haven’t you met people off the internet before?
Duh, but never has it been an elder white guy who was going to use his parents house to let me do a photo shoot to fulfill my art dreams. Even typing that now it sounds odd. Fuck, shits crazy.
Despite that we set a date to meet one May morning. The things we do for our dreams.I drove over to his house, with a box cutter in my bag and my home girl informed of my location just in case shit got weird, well weirder. Dude was odd, kool, but odd. The scariest moment of the whole conversation was when he told me how he got rid of stray cats that roamed into his yard. My niggas eyes were so lifeless when he talked of their disposal.
At some point we went to his dad’s house and OMG, the picture he had sent me didn’t do it justice. I fell more in love with the photographic potential more so. OMG. However, there was only problem with this whole scenario. Due to the nature of this dudes job of being an organ delivery driver, if he got called to do a delivery that shoot would have have to be postponed for another time since he wanted to be there on the property. That nagging factor bothered me. I told him I would be back in contact with him once I solidified a model and a time, which was true at the time. But you know life it is a fickle cunt. The girls who had shown interest prior to the meeting went full ghost when I reached back out to them. BLARGH.
Before we go back to the model hunt, lets get these other details out the way. First off the location, since back up plans are a necessary thing. The place creepy cat killer had showed me was near Latta Plantation Park. Yes, the place I mentioned several issues ago. On a whim I decided to walk the path less traveled, Literally. When I was there before I had never walked any of the trails, so I figured might as well.
Yay for whims.
The environment was so Shway for the narrative I wanted to present. At the end of the trial there was a peninsula that had a nice view of the lake and barely any traces of humanity. Side note when I was surveying the area, there were people Jet skiing, I was so hoping one of them would drown and die. Anyway. Safe to say this was my location, I legit never contacted that creepy cat guy again. He has a name, but honestly at this point it doesn’t matter.
As the search for a non fickle model continued, I had to craft some props for this shoot. Timeline wise, we are in mid June at this point. I legit have never crafted shit in my life, aside from art projects in school I never had to. But you are surprised what you learn to do when there is an aesthetic you have in mind. Shout out to Youtube and Pintrest teaching how to use my hands in more magical ways. The goal one Friday June night was to make a mermaid bra and crown. Hobby Lobby and Walmart is where I got most of my supplies, in particular seashells, pipe cleaner, ribbon, and hot glue gun, There was a tiara I needed, which I promise you I have seen a million times before this day BUT the day I actually was going to buy it. Nope couldn’t be found at all. I legit bounced from several different stores to find a fucking tiara. Blessed be Super Target for having it and a bag of jewels. As for the tail, one of my home girls was a mermaid for the last halloween. She said I could borrow her dress, she didn’t have the exact dress but had one similar that I can make it look mermaid tail esque.
Now for the models. Side note, shout out to it being a snow day because real shit this is a lot to navigate through my memories. If I had picked cotton today this wouldn’t be getting done.
Anyway, the model search. Because that is the one thing that is missing from this whole fucking saga.
Spoiler alert; the upcoming contains fuckery, confusion, betrayal and more fuckery than should be encountered.
At this point we are still in June, the girls who had expressed interest were no longer replying and others were replying who honestly I didn’t like their face or vibe. I told ya’ll I’m picky, no apologies.
I was following one girl on IG, and decided to DM her to see if she was down for the concept. And she was….kinda.
When I reached out again to see if she was available for the next week, she had informed me that she got signed to a modeling agency. Congrats I told her and the convo ended there oddly. I hit her back a week later to see if she was free the following w.end, she asked if her manager had informed me of her rates.
Bitch a few weeks ago you were so down for the TFP. Now you done got brand new and talking about some rates? The fuck you mean rates? Look I respect the craft, but I can’t afford the craft. Especially when I am working erratic seasonal project jobs with end dates after not working for a year and 4 months. Maybe when I am full level up adult with a stable job, but right now I am relying on the kindness of strangers who with mutual interest to help me make my art dreams come true. I told her I’ll have to pass because of the whole job situation. A legit reason because I was laid off again mid July and didn’t work again until September.
This shit is aggravating. Even recounting this arc is aggravating. I wanna drink some Jano Juice to soothe my spirit. Maybe this weekend.
So there was another girl who replied to one of my witch photoshoot ads. I never replied to her about that because obviously I found someone who matched what I wanted more so. But this girl had a mermaid tattoo, so I thought to ask her. MAAAAAAN I shouldn’t have. She had asked how much was she going to paid.
Bitch hold up. In the ads I am very upfront about the only compensation will be copies of the final images. I was so clear about that, so fucking clear. There legit is no room for interpretation. At all. Aside from that maybe you should not reply with ads with dirty bathroom selfies. you pasty posh cunt face.
Ok I’m done for now.
At this point it is July and I’m aggravated, so fucking aggravated. I placed a final ad on Craigslist and I won’t lie I aired out all my grievances. In particulate don’t waste my time with this, if you aren’t serious about this please don’t waste my time and please read all of the ad before asking me stupid fucking questions.
Of course someone replied….
Spoiler Alert; this is the climax of the story. Oh so much climax. That sentence probably does not make sense but fuck it.
Her name was Marlene, and she wanted to know more about the project. I told her and at some point she shared how she always felt she has been a mermaid all of her life. Who the fuck am I to argue that you felt like a mythical creature? If thats what you feel when you wake up, feel it. In my mind it will translate great in the images. Fuck Big Dick Energy, You got that mermaid energy. She inquired about a tail and since it actually seemed like I finally had a model for this fucking project, I figured I actually extend the effort to make it. I hit up my home girl who helped me with Demented Rose and Scarlet Tracks since she is big into cosplay and crafting. I was hoping she had a quick way to make a tail since every way I saw was complicated as fuck. Her answer was to buy one, and I was like nah. I’m legit not spending over 100 on fucking mermaid tail, in case you guys haven’t been paying attention I’ve been dealing with some fickle ass cunts. And I didn’t wanna be stuck with a tail for a model who went ghost on me.
So my homegirl decided to help me out, she said would be willing to help me out. She had recently brought one and would be willing to let this girl use her tail if they were the same size to help me achieve my dreams.
Ya’ll I felt like a person in that one moment. Kinda how in How The Grinch Stole Christmas when his heart grew 3 sizes bigger for some sentimental reason which I can’t exactly remember. She was Cindy Lou Hoo and I was the Grinch who was essentially at the spiritual place of fuck this.
Spoiler Alert,I have a legit complex in case you couldn’t tell.
Emotional Moment Over.
Ironically enough new girl and my friend both wear the same size. The next thing we had to do was see if the bra and crown I made fit. The crown did, but the bra that was something else. SO I let her borrow some of my supplies that I brought to make a bra, we had set a date, I told my friend and we were all in agreement.
August came as well the week of the shoot, and I messaged new girl asking are we still down for the weekend and was the bra done. She told me that she had been busy with work and school.
Ok here is the thing, I checked UNCC’s school calendar. School hadn’t started yet, it wasn’t going to start until a week later. But I assumed she meant getting ready for school. Man when your ancestors tell you fuckery is afoot, you listen to your ancestors. Thursday came and I asked was she still down for the shoot, and she replied saying that wouldn’t be.
So I had to tell my homegirl lives in Raleigh, who took off from work not to come down. She wasn’t happy about it. I can’t blame her, I would be pissed off too. So the next day since my shoot wasn’t happening, I decided to go scout Midtown Park for a future photoshoot I wanna do at some point. I get home and check my snapchat…..this bitch is driving to Baltimore, Maryland.
WHORE!!! I COULD KILL YOU!!!!!! NOT ONLY DID YOU WASTE MY TIME!!!! YOU WASTED MY FRIENDS TIME WHO WAS WILLING TO ME OUT!!!!. I SHOULD CUT YOUR BOULDER SIZE BREAST OFF AND THROW THEM AT YOUR FUCKING HEAD YOU FILTHY SNOBBISH CUNT!!!!!!!
I was so god damn mad.I wanted no still want to set her apartment on fire and hope someone beats her head with a brick as she tries to escape.
I apologize to my friend, for the fact that her time was wasted and this snobbish bitch wasn’t as professional as she seemed. I asked her would she be my mermaid to help me out, she texted me after I got the email saying she would do anything to help me out. Legit felt joy and felt like I mattered to someone. I have never heard those words uttered to me before, at all. And still haven’t since then.
There goes that trash complex again.
Me and her picked a date, and at some point she came down. The first time I had seen her in a year, awwww tender moments. Problem was she forgot the bra, so we had to wait another week to do the shoot. She apologized but it was kool, at this point one more week wasn’t going to hurt all things considered. She came back down a week later, she wanted to stop by Hobby Lobby and got some supplies.
This was it and it was finally happening. 4 months later it was finally happening. Ya’ll have no idea how arduous the past 4 months had been.You legit don’t. At this point we are the on the first weekend of September. I just got a new job, the sun is starting to set earlier and the wind has gotten a chill in it that hasn’t been felt in months. Luckily the area I want to shoot my friend is pretty vacant, as in there is no one there to obstruct the background. People are legit the worse.
The narrative I had in mind was ironically similar to The Little Mermaid, Mermaid washes on shore and explores the new world.I say ironic because I never saw The Little Mermaid. Well I saw it in Spanish in 11th grade, so that doesn’t really count. She switched between her tail and the dress of my friend. At some point that fall chill became a thing and she got cold, so I tried to wrap it up as soon as I can. Defiantly didn’t want her to catch a cold because of me, my conscious can’t deal with that. When it was all said and done we went to get something to eat and watched youtube videos, as my body remembered I need to stretch before I do these shoots that involve me acting like Nightcrawler. Acrobatic as fuck even though I ain’t been to the gym in years.
But wait, before we show the pictures from this saga. We need to finish the arc first.
But Jano, what do you mean….oh that Siren faced no ass bastard.
Well, at some point she called me a week after we were supposed to shoot. But yo wtf do we have to talk about? Honestly I am not a confrontational person, I’m pretty chill until you piss me off. Waisting me and my friends time is def a way to piss me off. *Yusuke Urameshi voice. The day after me and my homegirl did our photoshoot, I checked my snapchat and Siren face had posted a video of the shells and a net saying something about mermaid things or something to that effect. A few days later there was a photo she posted about with her mermaid hashtags. Oh nah, I need my shit back. See I only let her borrow those materials to help me out, not to shoot with some other nigga.
I emailed her and we agreed on a time that week…man that meeting was so awkward. Every cell in my usually chill being wanted to take the net off the wall and Lynch her like they lynched black people in the south, but I kept it together. My father has this saying don’t piss on me and tell me it is rain. This bitch legit treated me like R.Kelly did those teenagers in the early 2000s, metaphorically. I’ll be damn if I let a cunt whore piss on em. The lies she told of how she really wanted to do the shoot but was really busy. Bitch you did the shoot, you didn’t do it with me but you did it. Pretty sure you never even thought of doing a mermaid shoot until you saw that Ad on Craigslist.
Moral of Story, Fuck it I don’t know. Infer one for yourself. But if you get a chance to choke a bitch with a net they made that is hanging on the wall, take that opportunity. Life will figure out the rest later.
I told ya’ll this was a long story, if you actually read the whole thing. Congrats your reward is here.
Hell typing this was exhausting as fuck. Shout out to this snow day again because otherwise I would have been too exhausted to recall this fuckery. I felt like I just wrote a paper when I was at UNCG.
In other news that is fuckery free, I finally finished storyboarding my comic Azure Ascendance. Now the only thing left to do is color the remaining issues. YAAAAASSSS got the impending coloring coma.At least I got that done, sadly I didn’t get all the photoshoots done this year that I wanted. Hopefully the last 3 won’t be no where near this difficult as this was, hopefully. MAN, even typing this arc was a headache.
Anyway. thats it folks. The next issue won’t be no where near this heavy and filled with salt. Its actually the last photoshoot I did of 2017, which will be the first issue…of next…..year…..FUCK IT.