Its 2019 and it is a legit warm day opposed day compared to how cold it felt during the fall. MAN I hope it stays like this for like the rest of winter. My bank account would so appreciate it. Legit don’t want to pay more of a gas bill than necessary. No seriously. Keeping warm is fun until you have to pay for it.SMH.
Anyway right now I am legit typing this after deep throating a Burrito at Qdoba and fighting my urge to fully pass the fuck out like I usually do post cotton field. Spoiler Alert, I legit picked cotton today. No seriously. I felt the pain of my ancestors today in a diluted form, Moments like this why I totally sided with Killmonger. Nigga where the fuck is Wakanda??
This issue will actually be a stark contrast to the last four in terms of the amount of salt, shade and sarcasm. As in little to none.
But Jano why? I like the asshole part of you.
Awwww thanks, I actually feel warm because of that. Still tired as shit, but just a lil bit warm. Is this what humanity feels like?
But this issue is a family issue, and the events of this photoshoot was no where near as difficult as the last four. Side note this is the last photoshoot I did of 2017. By choice? No, but we will talk about that later on.
MAAAAN 2017-2018 was an existential nightmare. As Avril Lavigne’s complicated plays in my head now.
Hell this issue probably won’t be that long.
So my really close awesome homegirl friend, mother of the child I shot in Nature Badge, told me that she wanted to get photos of all her children. And since her and I have been besties since the era of Tom and Myspace I said that’s kool. The only actual issue there was with his entire shoot was to pick a time that we were both available.
In case you forgot I wasn’t working for 9 weeks over the summer of 2017, and when I did start working again it was back in the cursed land of retail. Fun. She told me about this Freedom Park Festival thing, which I literally have never heard of before a day in my life. Interestingly enough my schedule for that week allowed me to be free when she wanted. Look at retail hours not fucking up my life. Kinda.I was working 5am shifts, which are kool to a point., but nigga when you get off your body is ready to crash like *insert crashing body reference here.
Around the time it was time for me to get off I saw the store getting filled with people and it looked like my coworkers needed help…and I made no effort to help at all. Nope, no such help existed. I went to Food Lion to get cookies for the kids for a bribe. Yep, I’m not ashamed of it. I’m not good with children at all, so if snacks as a reward are gonna help you said children right so I can get photos of said children, then damn it I’m gonna buy snacks, with the parents permission. Consent is key.,
We all arrive at the park, and I’m legit trying to stay awake and keep up with the pace of life. I talked mostly to my home girls eldest daughter who I shot before, still not legit use to children liking me. Unlike R.Kelly I don’t spend time around underaged people. The whole event was fun though, the kids got their face painted, had funnel cakes, play on the playground, and did other kid things. At some point I got pointed out that a member of the Carolina Panthers was there. Don’t ask me who I legit couldn’t tell ya.
I told ya’ll this is a pretty peaceful issue. Did I give the Spoiler alert? if not
Spoiler Alert, this is a pretty peaceful issue.
To see the chillest and most relaxed photoshoot I did of 2017 click here.. Most of these are candids, but I do candids oh so well.
Anyway like I said this is the last shoot I did of 2017. Next issue will be the start of the existential crisis that was 2018.
Spoiler Alert, unlike 2017 all of the photoshoots I did in 2018 will be premiered on may website this year.
Anyway, I am about to do what I did after the events of this shoot….go home and pass the fuck out. Well probably after I watch Naruto and One Piece. This year I’m on the final episodes of Naruto, and the DressRosa Arc of One Piece. At some point before next issue I need to beat Final Fantasy 7. Especially since I just ordered X-Men vs Street Fighter. I can finally play it in the manner it was intended 20 years ago. 14 year old Jano would be happy as fuck.
Here we are the last issue of the year, well last planned issue of the year. Unless something interesting happens….yea this is the last issue of the year. Usually I would start off with some random blurbs about the current circumstances of my life, but this issue is lengthy as fuck.
Jano how long?
Think RPG playtime, final anime boss battle long.
Yea, trust me living it felt a lot longer. OMG it felt like waiting for Planet Namek to explode.
In April of 2017 I thought it be kool to do a shoot about a mermaid. I don’t know if it was because of the internet or the voice of my ancestors, but that idea was planted in my head and damn it stuck. Oh how it stuck. It stuck like a super chain of STDs a serial rapist got for violating the personal space of others who had their own STDS..
As usual I went to Craigslist to sweep through the various communities in hopes to find one that can possibly bring my idea to life. But this time I had another problem to figure out. So in case you haven’t been paying attention I live in Charlotte, North Carolina. And for those who weren’t paying attention in elementary school social studies, it lies within the Piedmont region. Which, spoiler alert, means that there isn’t any coastlines or beaches near me. At best there are lakes and rivers, but that is about it.
So not only did I have to find a model, I had to figure where the fuck I was going to do this shoot at. I made an ad for help on that and color me shocked that it didn’t take that long. This dude replied and said that he would be willing to help me out and let me shoot it at as his fathers house. His father resides in South Carolina for some reason and he was house sitting for him. He sent me a picture of the area and I went YES LAAAAAWD * Anderson Paak voice. He wanted to meet first, which makes sense. I let him know at some point that I was black male, cuz we all know sometimes being black comes at ya fast even when you are doing ordinary things such as living.
Real Shit, I was nervous as fuck about this.
But Jano, haven’t you met people off the internet before?
Duh, but never has it been an elder white guy who was going to use his parents house to let me do a photo shoot to fulfill my art dreams. Even typing that now it sounds odd. Fuck, shits crazy.
Despite that we set a date to meet one May morning. The things we do for our dreams.I drove over to his house, with a box cutter in my bag and my home girl informed of my location just in case shit got weird, well weirder. Dude was odd, kool, but odd. The scariest moment of the whole conversation was when he told me how he got rid of stray cats that roamed into his yard. My niggas eyes were so lifeless when he talked of their disposal.
At some point we went to his dad’s house and OMG, the picture he had sent me didn’t do it justice. I fell more in love with the photographic potential more so. OMG. However, there was only problem with this whole scenario. Due to the nature of this dudes job of being an organ delivery driver, if he got called to do a delivery that shoot would have have to be postponed for another time since he wanted to be there on the property. That nagging factor bothered me. I told him I would be back in contact with him once I solidified a model and a time, which was true at the time. But you know life it is a fickle cunt. The girls who had shown interest prior to the meeting went full ghost when I reached back out to them. BLARGH.
Before we go back to the model hunt, lets get these other details out the way. First off the location, since back up plans are a necessary thing. The place creepy cat killer had showed me was near Latta Plantation Park. Yes, the place I mentioned several issues ago. On a whim I decided to walk the path less traveled, Literally. When I was there before I had never walked any of the trails, so I figured might as well.
Yay for whims.
The environment was so Shway for the narrative I wanted to present. At the end of the trial there was a peninsula that had a nice view of the lake and barely any traces of humanity. Side note when I was surveying the area, there were people Jet skiing, I was so hoping one of them would drown and die. Anyway. Safe to say this was my location, I legit never contacted that creepy cat guy again. He has a name, but honestly at this point it doesn’t matter.
As the search for a non fickle model continued, I had to craft some props for this shoot. Timeline wise, we are in mid June at this point. I legit have never crafted shit in my life, aside from art projects in school I never had to. But you are surprised what you learn to do when there is an aesthetic you have in mind. Shout out to Youtube and Pintrest teaching how to use my hands in more magical ways. The goal one Friday June night was to make a mermaid bra and crown. Hobby Lobby and Walmart is where I got most of my supplies, in particular seashells, pipe cleaner, ribbon, and hot glue gun, There was a tiara I needed, which I promise you I have seen a million times before this day BUT the day I actually was going to buy it. Nope couldn’t be found at all. I legit bounced from several different stores to find a fucking tiara. Blessed be Super Target for having it and a bag of jewels. As for the tail, one of my home girls was a mermaid for the last halloween. She said I could borrow her dress, she didn’t have the exact dress but had one similar that I can make it look mermaid tail esque.
Now for the models. Side note, shout out to it being a snow day because real shit this is a lot to navigate through my memories. If I had picked cotton today this wouldn’t be getting done.
Anyway, the model search. Because that is the one thing that is missing from this whole fucking saga.
Spoiler alert; the upcoming contains fuckery, confusion, betrayal and more fuckery than should be encountered.
At this point we are still in June, the girls who had expressed interest were no longer replying and others were replying who honestly I didn’t like their face or vibe. I told ya’ll I’m picky, no apologies.
I was following one girl on IG, and decided to DM her to see if she was down for the concept. And she was….kinda.
When I reached out again to see if she was available for the next week, she had informed me that she got signed to a modeling agency. Congrats I told her and the convo ended there oddly. I hit her back a week later to see if she was free the following w.end, she asked if her manager had informed me of her rates.
Bitch a few weeks ago you were so down for the TFP. Now you done got brand new and talking about some rates? The fuck you mean rates? Look I respect the craft, but I can’t afford the craft. Especially when I am working erratic seasonal project jobs with end dates after not working for a year and 4 months. Maybe when I am full level up adult with a stable job, but right now I am relying on the kindness of strangers who with mutual interest to help me make my art dreams come true. I told her I’ll have to pass because of the whole job situation. A legit reason because I was laid off again mid July and didn’t work again until September.
This shit is aggravating. Even recounting this arc is aggravating. I wanna drink some Jano Juice to soothe my spirit. Maybe this weekend.
So there was another girl who replied to one of my witch photoshoot ads. I never replied to her about that because obviously I found someone who matched what I wanted more so. But this girl had a mermaid tattoo, so I thought to ask her. MAAAAAAN I shouldn’t have. She had asked how much was she going to paid.
Bitch hold up. In the ads I am very upfront about the only compensation will be copies of the final images. I was so clear about that, so fucking clear. There legit is no room for interpretation. At all. Aside from that maybe you should not reply with ads with dirty bathroom selfies. you pasty posh cunt face.
Ok I’m done for now.
At this point it is July and I’m aggravated, so fucking aggravated. I placed a final ad on Craigslist and I won’t lie I aired out all my grievances. In particulate don’t waste my time with this, if you aren’t serious about this please don’t waste my time and please read all of the ad before asking me stupid fucking questions.
Of course someone replied….
Spoiler Alert; this is the climax of the story. Oh so much climax. That sentence probably does not make sense but fuck it.
Her name was Marlene, and she wanted to know more about the project. I told her and at some point she shared how she always felt she has been a mermaid all of her life. Who the fuck am I to argue that you felt like a mythical creature? If thats what you feel when you wake up, feel it. In my mind it will translate great in the images. Fuck Big Dick Energy, You got that mermaid energy. She inquired about a tail and since it actually seemed like I finally had a model for this fucking project, I figured I actually extend the effort to make it. I hit up my home girl who helped me with Demented Rose and Scarlet Tracks since she is big into cosplay and crafting. I was hoping she had a quick way to make a tail since every way I saw was complicated as fuck. Her answer was to buy one, and I was like nah. I’m legit not spending over 100 on fucking mermaid tail, in case you guys haven’t been paying attention I’ve been dealing with some fickle ass cunts. And I didn’t wanna be stuck with a tail for a model who went ghost on me.
So my homegirl decided to help me out, she said would be willing to help me out. She had recently brought one and would be willing to let this girl use her tail if they were the same size to help me achieve my dreams.
Ya’ll I felt like a person in that one moment. Kinda how in How The Grinch Stole Christmas when his heart grew 3 sizes bigger for some sentimental reason which I can’t exactly remember. She was Cindy Lou Hoo and I was the Grinch who was essentially at the spiritual place of fuck this.
Spoiler Alert,I have a legit complex in case you couldn’t tell.
Emotional Moment Over.
Ironically enough new girl and my friend both wear the same size. The next thing we had to do was see if the bra and crown I made fit. The crown did, but the bra that was something else. SO I let her borrow some of my supplies that I brought to make a bra, we had set a date, I told my friend and we were all in agreement.
August came as well the week of the shoot, and I messaged new girl asking are we still down for the weekend and was the bra done. She told me that she had been busy with work and school.
Ok here is the thing, I checked UNCC’s school calendar. School hadn’t started yet, it wasn’t going to start until a week later. But I assumed she meant getting ready for school. Man when your ancestors tell you fuckery is afoot, you listen to your ancestors. Thursday came and I asked was she still down for the shoot, and she replied saying that wouldn’t be.
So I had to tell my homegirl lives in Raleigh, who took off from work not to come down. She wasn’t happy about it. I can’t blame her, I would be pissed off too. So the next day since my shoot wasn’t happening, I decided to go scout Midtown Park for a future photoshoot I wanna do at some point. I get home and check my snapchat…..this bitch is driving to Baltimore, Maryland.
WHORE!!! I COULD KILL YOU!!!!!! NOT ONLY DID YOU WASTE MY TIME!!!! YOU WASTED MY FRIENDS TIME WHO WAS WILLING TO ME OUT!!!!. I SHOULD CUT YOUR BOULDER SIZE BREAST OFF AND THROW THEM AT YOUR FUCKING HEAD YOU FILTHY SNOBBISH CUNT!!!!!!!
I was so god damn mad.I wanted no still want to set her apartment on fire and hope someone beats her head with a brick as she tries to escape.
I apologize to my friend, for the fact that her time was wasted and this snobbish bitch wasn’t as professional as she seemed. I asked her would she be my mermaid to help me out, she texted me after I got the email saying she would do anything to help me out. Legit felt joy and felt like I mattered to someone. I have never heard those words uttered to me before, at all. And still haven’t since then.
There goes that trash complex again.
Me and her picked a date, and at some point she came down. The first time I had seen her in a year, awwww tender moments. Problem was she forgot the bra, so we had to wait another week to do the shoot. She apologized but it was kool, at this point one more week wasn’t going to hurt all things considered. She came back down a week later, she wanted to stop by Hobby Lobby and got some supplies.
This was it and it was finally happening. 4 months later it was finally happening. Ya’ll have no idea how arduous the past 4 months had been.You legit don’t. At this point we are the on the first weekend of September. I just got a new job, the sun is starting to set earlier and the wind has gotten a chill in it that hasn’t been felt in months. Luckily the area I want to shoot my friend is pretty vacant, as in there is no one there to obstruct the background. People are legit the worse.
The narrative I had in mind was ironically similar to The Little Mermaid, Mermaid washes on shore and explores the new world.I say ironic because I never saw The Little Mermaid. Well I saw it in Spanish in 11th grade, so that doesn’t really count. She switched between her tail and the dress of my friend. At some point that fall chill became a thing and she got cold, so I tried to wrap it up as soon as I can. Defiantly didn’t want her to catch a cold because of me, my conscious can’t deal with that. When it was all said and done we went to get something to eat and watched youtube videos, as my body remembered I need to stretch before I do these shoots that involve me acting like Nightcrawler. Acrobatic as fuck even though I ain’t been to the gym in years.
But wait, before we show the pictures from this saga. We need to finish the arc first.
But Jano, what do you mean….oh that Siren faced no ass bastard.
Well, at some point she called me a week after we were supposed to shoot. But yo wtf do we have to talk about? Honestly I am not a confrontational person, I’m pretty chill until you piss me off. Waisting me and my friends time is def a way to piss me off. *Yusuke Urameshi voice. The day after me and my homegirl did our photoshoot, I checked my snapchat and Siren face had posted a video of the shells and a net saying something about mermaid things or something to that effect. A few days later there was a photo she posted about with her mermaid hashtags. Oh nah, I need my shit back. See I only let her borrow those materials to help me out, not to shoot with some other nigga.
I emailed her and we agreed on a time that week…man that meeting was so awkward. Every cell in my usually chill being wanted to take the net off the wall and Lynch her like they lynched black people in the south, but I kept it together. My father has this saying don’t piss on me and tell me it is rain. This bitch legit treated me like R.Kelly did those teenagers in the early 2000s, metaphorically. I’ll be damn if I let a cunt whore piss on em. The lies she told of how she really wanted to do the shoot but was really busy. Bitch you did the shoot, you didn’t do it with me but you did it. Pretty sure you never even thought of doing a mermaid shoot until you saw that Ad on Craigslist.
Moral of Story, Fuck it I don’t know. Infer one for yourself. But if you get a chance to choke a bitch with a net they made that is hanging on the wall, take that opportunity. Life will figure out the rest later.
I told ya’ll this was a long story, if you actually read the whole thing. Congrats your reward is here.
Hell typing this was exhausting as fuck. Shout out to this snow day again because otherwise I would have been too exhausted to recall this fuckery. I felt like I just wrote a paper when I was at UNCG.
In other news that is fuckery free, I finally finished storyboarding my comic Azure Ascendance. Now the only thing left to do is color the remaining issues. YAAAAASSSS got the impending coloring coma.At least I got that done, sadly I didn’t get all the photoshoots done this year that I wanted. Hopefully the last 3 won’t be no where near this difficult as this was, hopefully. MAN, even typing this arc was a headache.
Anyway. thats it folks. The next issue won’t be no where near this heavy and filled with salt. Its actually the last photoshoot I did of 2017, which will be the first issue…of next…..year…..FUCK IT.
NIGGA ITS HOT!!! Like Disrespectful as fuck hot. Oppressively hot. Do I even need this skin hot. Put Deodorant on your genitals hot. Field Nigga slave empathy hot.I’ll def take this over winters frigid ways but holy fuck, is it this heat wave that necessary for the culture?
This issue is coming later than usual this month because honestly I didn’t feel like typing. I didn’t. Not to say that I haven’t typed anything this month, but it wasn’t anything lengthy. Ya know nice little blurbs, nothing more.
Anyway here we are finally.
So back in the Days of the Dead issue, I said that the initial shoot I was going to talk about had to be delayed because my coon college friend didn’t have one of his websites ready. Well it’s ready now and I can commence talking shit about him, and the photoshoot of that April Saturday.
But Jano didn’t you say you are friends?
Spoiler Alert, you are right. But every since I’ve met this nigga back in my 2nd semester during Spring Semester 2003 at UNCG, he has talked more shit than I thought humanly possible. If I had a Myspace style friend ranking of people who talked shit, he would be in the top 10. So I’m allowed to talk about this big nostril, cone headed, Vegeta Bashing, shit talking, blasting rappers that irk your soul (Damn Gucci Mane), detritus, diseased country bama, scum of the earth. This nigga would have you feeling like you may wanna follow in Hannah Bakers footsteps.
But despite that, he is a very gifted negro when it comes to the trombone.
Damn Jano, are you satiated yet?
Right now I am.
At any rate, My homeboy Brain called me one day and asked me could I do a photoshoot for him for his new music website. Look at Niggas following their true passions in life, even though they are exuding scum essence, YASSSS.
Sorry, not sorry.
I gave him a price, he agreed and we picked a Saturday that worked with our schedules. Legit 2nd photoshoot I got paid for last year, sadly it was also the last but whatever I could finally put some toward my tattoo fund.
So fucking close now. So…fucking….close….
I drove to Greensboro hoping that it doesn’t pour down rain anytime soon. It was cloudy as fuck as I was driving up there. Legit it was more shady than anything that has ever came out of his mouth in all the years I’ve known him.
Damn there I go again. I promise me and this nigga are actually Kool. On God.
I get to his place and we head to a park that I legit never went to or heard of any of the time I lived in Greensboro from 2002 to 2010. We arrive and we see all these white kids dressed up.
What white nonsense is this?
Then it hit us its Prom Season, OOOOOOOh that shit. But its legit pretty crowded, so we walk to where little white children are sparse to none. Luckily it was a big park. He tells me he has never modeled before, I tell him to play his trombone to relax and honestly to pretend I’m not there. It honestly went well, considering I wasn’t familiar with this park at all and he never modeled a day in his scummy puss filled soul life.
Everything was good until it started pouring down raining, and that far distance we walked to get away from a bunch of acne faced teenagers we had to run to get back to his car. You ever see 2 people run in a torrential downpour, hoping not to ruin their equipment, and not slip and bust their ass?
It is probably funny as shit watching, but being in said downpour nope not so much. No such fun exist.
Anyway, the rest of the day involved us going to meet up with some of our friends at some place. I legit promise every white boy at the bar my friends and I ended up at looked like they idolized Brock Turner and had rape intentions. I don’t apologize for that shit, I don’t. If you are mad you probably ain’t shit and think that violating ass cunt was justified, kill yourself creepy bastards.
To see some of the images that occurred before we got rained out, go here. And if you need a trombone or piano player, or a music lesson check out his website. And if you need to purchase an instrument check out his new store site as well.
See this nigga has some value in life after all.
Moral of the Story. Be careful of how much shit you talk to your friends because one day you could be exposed for filth on said friends website.
There is probably another lesson about following your dreams and passions, but eh not today.
Anyway I’m all typed out for the month. I’m gonna go play Final Fantasy 7 until next time.Damn Cloud, your backstory is tragic as fuck.
Ok before we talk about anything relating to my photographic journey I holy need to say Holy Fuck in regards to Avengers Infinity War. After somehow dodging most of the spoilers on social media I saw it last night and damn Thanos. That big purple nigga has me reevaluating my favorite villains in life. Every time he came on screen I was legit shook, like damn it is the Captain of the Death Rape Squad. Thanos is the type of the nigga who doesn’t pull out after he rapes you because he is going to abort the life he blasted inside you and your life when its all done in the name of balance. DAMN. I wish Thanos would blast Kanye West into atomic particles, since this nigga want to slave that slavery was a choice. This Nugga.
So spoiler alert I follow a lot of random things on instagram. photographers, art, models, suicide girls, alternate models, anime and other things that I can’ think of right now. Since I’m bombarded by an array of images of course I am going to be inspired and want to incorporate new things into my art. In particular I wanted to start alternate photography and since I know no one who does it I went to Craigslist.
Spoiler Alert, this was the beginning of so many fucking ads in months to come. But unlike future episodes, I got a model on the first try. Man if it was always this fucking easy. OH MY FUCKING GOD.
She replied, we picked a time, I picked her up, we went to good ol’ Slave ghost filled Latta Plantation park and started shooting. At some point some guy who worked there spoke to us about how photography wasn’t allowed and I would have to pay an amount to shoot.
Look here ya fucking colonizer descendant:
1. I’m not paying a fucking fine to shoot with my fucking equipment. You can suck my whole dick, veins and circles.
2.My ancestors were slaves picking cotton in this god damn park that ya’ll filthy colonizers made a tribute park to. I’ll take photos here freely in honor of them. Now kill yourself ya descendant of murdering colonizing cunt.
Anyway, she did an outfit change and we migrated to the part of the park that wasn’t as plantationy. (New word bonus) That lasted for about another hour, that was about it and I dropped her off. When I did I told her I’ll get her the photos as I can, my calendar was gonna be busy compared to how it usually was with other photoshoots I had to do. More so since I was about to start working.
Holy Shit Jano you finally got a job after not 1 yr and 4 months? Congrats.Holy fuck, where was it?
Don’t Matter since I don’t work there anymore, it was insanely short lived. So one day she texts me where are her pictures? I tell her I’m working on them, I promise you I read nothing but attitude when she replied just send them to me. I don’t deal with unnecessary attitudes especially when I let you know before hand things are gonna be hectic for me. She got the pictures a few days later and that was the end of that. There was a plan to do another shoot with the lights I had got a few months prior but that never happened, fine by me.
I wanna type more but at the same time, I wanna lay down and play some more Final Fantasy 7 while listening to J.Coles new cd again. I need to regain focus on my book. OMG.There are goals I’m hoping to meet within the next few months. The last thing I want is another existential crisis, did I say those are fun. Oh I didn’t because they ain’t. But in joyous news the new season of Dear White People comes out this w.end, so they may help my spirit in some fashion.
Before we go lets take a minute to pay our respects who lost their lives due to the Mad Titan Thanos. He definitely raped the souls out of their bodies. YES LAWD *Anderson Paak voice.
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