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JanoRyusaru.com: Home of the Jrpg Jano's Bizarre Art Adventure

~ Charlotte Artist, Photographer, and Creator of Azure Ascendance

JanoRyusaru.com: Home of  the Jrpg Jano's Bizarre Art Adventure

Tag Archives: depression

Down The White Snake Hole

01 Friday Jan 2021

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Dear friends of Jano,

MAN alot has happened since the last time I wrote to y’all.

A whole fucking lot.

2020 was the unmitigated shit show that no one wanted. But here we are, most of us…..

For those who didn’t catch the …, I was alluding to all those who have died due to the Coronavirus…and racism, fucking racism.

Concerts got cancelled. FUCK. I was supposed to see Jhene Aiko, Halsey, Snoh, Aalegra, and R.LUM.R. Probably more but ya know humanity proved unequivocally that they won’t do anything to survive.

LIES FUCKING LIES.

But despite all the chaos of 2020, I found a way to clear a path for my art journey. Priorities folks, priorities.

A week after my bday in March, thats when shit hit the fan at my previous cotton field. And when that shit splattered I took my chance to hide under a tent of what was left of the toilet paper.

Side note, can someone please explain to me why the fuck all the toilet paper was being hoarded. Why the FUCK was that a thing?

Anyway.

Cottonfield 10 decided to comply with my cities lockdown orders, thus not counting attendance against us for the next month. So guess who did not go to the cottonfield, not I said the hybrid, not I. Well I did but only to drop off my girlfriend off since she has more of a reason to go. Me, I’m just a lowly field nigga.

But me, me nigga I rested. It felt great not to have to go to a place where my throat swelled up despite allergy medicine and masks efforts. I watched so many shows, on Kami. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure is the legit most beautiful ridiculous anime I have seen. Ill be glad when the next part gets on Hulu. Baby Yoda is so fucking cute, Community was Hilarious. Alot of shows were watched, movies seen for the first time over the next few months. I won’t go through them all but if you are that interested then you can go through my tags for this post.

But most importantly I worked on my comic series, yea the thing that has took a deep stake in my heart since 4 years ago. For those who weren’t paying attention I reached an impasse because of CottonField 10. Simply put I was so fucking tired, SO FUCKING TIRED. 2019 to early 2020 I probably only did at least 1 and a half issues, which was the rest of Issue 6 and most of Issue 7. Frustration doesn’t even describe how I felt.

Shout out to Corona for giving me the chance to color all night like I did in 2016.

But of course all good things come to an end. Masta sent out a message to us slaves early May saying attendance was about to be mandatory again. Had the pandemic ended? Spoiler Alert, it didn’t. Actually it is still very much thriving, like the plague of yesteryears.

But shirts take a priority over peoples health I guess, yay capitalism.

Despite that new mandate via electronic pigeons, I dreaded going back. My spirit said nah Nigga. You need to understand, I loathed CottonField 10 as much as Cottonfield 4. Maybe it was the swelling of my throat, maybe it was because no one in my position was ever going to get a raise, maybe it was the new 3 day 12 hr shifts that exhausted me more so on top of the only way to get my 40 hrs was to work a 4th day at the full 12 hour capacity. But I hated that place, contemplating what the fuck am I doing with my life, loathing that I couldn’t work on my book the way I wanted, the existential ennui I felt standing in front of a dryer wondering WTF am I doing with my life.

Fun Right.

Instinctually my spirit said don’t go back. If I went back I would be condemning my spirit and my throat. Pay checks be damned, especially when they are mediocre and stable to a point.

A snake popped in my vision. Relax not a real one but a spirit snake for lack of better words.

Some of you don’t speak witch and it shows.

I know I’ve lost some people, but if you made it to this point you may as well keep reading. That Friday I decided to take a walk at the park where I shot my mermaid adventures. Ironically the date of that Friday was the same date and day as me graduating from college, May 15. I walked around and again I saw that snake, but the skin shed to white as I contemplated my life. I googled white snake symbolism and what I got was transformation and rebirth.

My mind was made up. I quit that blasted slave pit.

I quit on good terms, gave some amalgamated mesh of why I can’t stay. Along the lines of why I left, that I didn’t want to catch it and pass it on to my elder family members. Blah Blah Blah. And just like that I was out.

NIGGA I YEETED. I would have yeeted more if they gave me my unemployment, but fuck them. I hope to never see them again. Side note, my girlfriend told me there was so many cases of Corona every week. As soon Lockdown wave 1 ended they went back to their bullshit slave practices of forcing everyone to be in the same area.

But me personally, I was good. I colored to my hearts content, more so when my girlfriend got me a new chair. MAAAAAN listen my cheeks were so relieved they yeeted. So fucking relieved. I had some revisions to do, 2017 should be slapped for just hastily throwing stuff on paper. Slapped so hard. but I finally finished Act 2.

OMFG, I’m literally at the half way point. 10 issues down. 10 issues to go.

I should have kept going, but back pain was a thing. When July hit I took a hiatus to ya know live. Play video games, finally hacked my PSP that I got 11 years ago when I graduated college.

That was um a process to say the least. bricked it a few times. But I got it, at some point. Joy is playing Phantasy Star 4, and beating it. Especially when you were stuck at one part as a child.

RPG JOY BITCHES!!!

Beat Spiderman, Discovered AWICH, (YEET TO HER LIFE), did non profit work, went to Charleston finally, back to Atlanta because of the aquarium we saw in Charleston, Kayaked, climbed a mountain, taught photography to someone who helped me get one of the Infinity Stones, tried new recipes, read some books, got inspired by things for my next set of random ass drawings.Ya know all the simple things that ya don’t get to do when you are exhausted from a cotton field.

On Kami. On the Kami of all YEETS. If could just be unemployed and work on my art I would. Literally looking forward to my next unemployment stint.

I’m working at a place I never really wanted to work at again, but money is needed and I needed to loose weight from the past few months. I really became a chunky fuck. EWWWWW.

So October I restarted being a slave again, at a horrible fucking hour. The next place I shuck and jive at I hope I can wake up after the fucking sun. Thats all I ask bro. My comic work took a back seat to financial catch up, car registration and getting money for presents.

Ugh Life be like.

But my slave schedule changes soon, eventually I’ll be back to staying up all night while coloring as Spotify blares in the background. Nice to have to something to look forward to ya know.

Do I have any real hopes for 2021. nah bruh. I just wanna return status to zero by finishing all my art projects, enjoy concerts again, go to AfroPunk FINALLY, go to anime and comic cons, see my friends, not have anxiety attacks when I go out in public, survive a mutant super virus that has been ravishing the world for the past year, ya know the simple things.

I wish I could say I have alot of content for ya’ll, but I don’t. The typical Jano luck of photoshoots happening despite being talked about still ran true in 2020 as previous years. Actually I had planned on posting this issue when I did the photo and try to be con current with my life but obviously that didn’t happen.

Moral of the Story; If you hate the cotton field you shuck and jive and you get a chance to leave, leave that bitch if you can. ON KAMI. They don’t give a fuck about you or your life, and if you leave they will replace you like you never existed. Follow your dreams and take care of yourself.

It is the way.

This will probably be the most positive thing I say on this platform.

Maybe. Depends on how life goes.

At any rate thats all for now. I just woke up. Here’s hoping 2021 has way less fuckery than 2020, for the culture.

Abandoned Ravens Nest

01 Friday Feb 2019

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unspecified-11Dear Friends of Jano,

Damn its February already, fuck thats wild. But this polar vortex is even wilder, FUCK its so fucking cold when I leave my house to go pick cotton before the freaking sun is up.  Its 2019 and I’ve never heard of a polar vortex ever in my life prior to this week.  Is this the end of everything??? If it is I hope I get my X-Men Vs Street Fighter game first, it still hasn’t arrived since last issue. GRRRSSSH.

Anyway.

I type this as I breath in Lavender and Peppermint mist from my diffuser, hopefully it will calm me down as I type this.

But Jano Why?

Because 2018 was a fucking existential photographic nightmare. Thats right, as of this issue we are now in 2018 and will be for only 5 issues after this issue. I had so many photographic aspirations and goals last years that went unfulfilled. And here I was thinking that it would be simpler than the concepts I tried to pursue in 2017. Definitely found out there are deeper levels to feeling like trash. But we will get to that later.

As for right now we are gonna flashback to January 2018. My actress homegirl friend England Simpson, wanted to do another birthday photoshoot with her sister like we did in 2017.  Her and her sister share the same birthday as Edgar Allen Poe, yes the Edgar Allen Poe. I don’t know why I felt the need to say the Edgar Allen Poe like there is more than one. Fuck its 2019 and I’m going for dramatic effect for no reason. Anyway after our initial convo I started thinking of places where we could shoot at. The first place I thought of was McGill Rose Garden, figured it would be a nice ambiance.

Well it would have been. The original day we were going to do it England was on her deathbed (not really) and since I don’t like the idea of shooting someone when they are not feeling good we postponed it. The new shoot day became that Monday on Martin Luther King Jr Day, but we found out that the rose garden was closed on Mondays.

FUUUUUCK.

Spoiler Alert, I wasn’t that upset.

I scrolled my brain for possible new places and I remembered Stone Jackson Military School. My spirit was hit with so much joy.

But Jano why?

Stone Jackson Military School is an abandoned school with a mass amount of empty buildings. And I legit have been wanting to do an abandoned shoot for the longest period in my life. Well more so since I got serious about my photography journey in 2016. I had scouted it back in the summer of 2017, I had only drove by it though. But the campus is huge, impressive as fuck, and filled with so much potential.

That Monday came, the girls met at my house on the frigid fucking morning and we headed toward the campus. In retrospect there may have been a polar vortex that day too, cuz NIGGA it was cold. Oppressively and disrespectfully cold. England had told me on the drive up there that she was excited because she had viewed it online and saw some of the photos others had shot there. We were all filled with high hopes and magical negro joy.

Right about that.

We got there and all the buildings were fenced up, not regular fences but Jurassic Park style fences.  Nigga is there a T-Rex here?

Oh nigga I was upset, when I drove by this place a few months prior these fences weren’t in existence. Well they were in existence but not there. Since the vibe from this place was  forbidden as fuck, I parked at a store strip mall down the street from the school and we walked to the school.

Did I say it was cold as fuck? No well it was cold as fuck.

It only took a few minutes to get to campus from where I parked. We had to make sure not to step and slip on freshly frozen patches, the last thing was 3 negroes seen busting their asses on forbidden property. We looked around trying to see if there was any place we could sneak in a building.

*sigh*

Everything was boarded up and if it wasn’t boarded it was enclosed by fences that might as well be electric. At some point an old black man drove by and gave us a warning about us being on the property. At first we thought he was gonna be an informant and the cops would pull up and arrest us shortly after. But in retrospect he probably was just looking out for us so we wouldn’t be a new statistic of cop racism.

Despite his warning we stayed on campus a little while longer trying to make the best out of a blarghed scenario. The whole gated ambiance legit killed my mood, worse than an anime death scene I’ve seen. Shit was worse than seeing Neji die. At some point we saw a  gated building that had a hole in it, so England and I decided that we were gonna sneak in to get some shots while her sister decided to watch out. We literally just got in the gate and she told us that she heard a car, we bolted out of the enclosure ASAP. England escaped with no problems, me not so much. My coat got snagged as did my jeans, HARD. Cotton oozed from my goat and my thigh to my shin was exposed.

NIGGA!!!

That frigid weather is way worse when your body is exposed. I felt the wind fill my pants and tickle my balls. My whole ball sack and butt hole was frozen.

Spoiler Alert it is not a pleasant feeling, no such feelings existed for me that day. GOD DAMN IT my balls were cold.

We stayed a little bit longer to get some more shots of what we could so this trip wouldn’t be a total waste, but at some point our collective negro spider senses said we should leave to avoid police confrontation. The last thing I wanted was to have icicles growing out my asshole while dealing with a problematic racist cop while pursing my dreams.

We left, arrived back at my house, and as they chose their photos I changed pants and reclaimed the heat that I had been deprived of for the past 2 hours. The shoot was ok, minus that and everything being fucking gated as fuck. Maybe one day I’ll get to shoot an abandoned building without fear of prosecution. Martin Luther King Jr died for the right to purse my art dreams.

Anyway to view some of the photos from the day my nuts became surrounded by ice click here.

Anyway as Bugs Bunny says Thats All Folks, for this issue at least. Hopefully by the next issue I will have gotten my damn X-Men Vs Street Fighter game, beaten Final Fantasy 7, went to Anderson Paaks Concert, and somehow managed to finish coloring as issue of my comic series. Yo real shit I miss being unemployed like I was in 2016 – early 2017, I could stay up all night and work on my art all night. I just wanna color damn it.

Hail to the Guardian of the Watch Tower.  Sun, Moon, Star, North, South, East and West. Help me find time and give me the strength to color the rest of my comic series Azure Ascendance. Help me get it to where it is on Netflix and never have work these jobs I care nothing for ever again. And that I do the photoshoots that I didn’t get to last year.

Blessed Be.

Emerald Evisceration

11 Tuesday Sep 2018

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Peeping_cover with font

Dear Friends of Jano,

Yo if anyone gets me the new Spider Man game for PS4 I PROMISE, I fucking promise on god that I will….probably just be extremely grateful. Idk. I’m not big on making promises that I may not or don’t want to keep.

Just Saying.

Anyway, here we are. That nice little bonus issue that I was talking about in my last issue filled with high grade NaCl.

Some of you are probably googling NaCl. Salt niggas, Salt. Which I don’t plan on having an abundance of in this issue.

Anyway I want to debut my new Sketchtape.

Definition of Sketchtape, a clever combination of Sketchbook and Mixtape.

Used in a sentence,

Jano Ryusaru Presents his new Sketchtape Emerald Evisceration.

TADA.

I actually finished this earlier this year, but didn’t want to premiere it until I finish debuting each image on my social media pages from my last project Numinously Noir.

I started working on this spring 2017. At some point when I was working on Act 1 of my comic series Azure Ascendance, I had an urge to draw crazy ridiculous shit like I did in my first Sketchtape Miasmic Emancipation.

No thoughts, no fucks, just random line strokes and whatever formed is what formed. In a sense it was my Marshall Mathers 2. You can try to figure out “the meaning” of each image if you want, its your cognitive function you are wasting not mine.

However Spoiler alert, only 2 of these images in this project have any significance to me at all. If you figure out which then feel free to email me which 2 you think it is. The only thing you will get is a right or wrong answer. So if validation is what you are seeking feel free. Don’t expect us to do a discussion on it though.

Anyway.

The initial plan was to color these images when I was all finished with my comic series, but ya know how life be. Me getting my computer and drawing tablet stolen really fucked up my production schedule of my series. So I shifted to a mindset of I’ll color Act 2 once I finish storyboarding Act 3 and 4. Eventually I got my replacements, but the photography projects that I thought I would be able to knock out with no problems kept having well problems. Hell it still it is, here it is September and I still haven’t been able to do the 6 shoots I wanted to do this year. Fickle ass cunts denying me my infinity stones.I promise you disrespect is when someone says they will do the shoot, you buy the supplies and you never hear from them again. A message saying “I changed my mind” or something similar would suffice, instead of me foolishly reaching out and wasting my time waiting.

OMG Jano, what if they are reading this?

Spoiler Alert; I don’t give a fuck.

What does this have to do with my SketchTape, well a person has to self medicate some how. Some people buy adult coloring books, I color in images that I already drew a year prior. The combination of continuous cancellations and delays, fickle mindsets of those who previously agreed and a hidden episode from a saga in 2016 hit me pretty hard. Gotta love an existential crisis that you can numb through coloring with a myriad of hex codes, while blasting Incubus, Jungle Pussy, and Krizz Kaliko. I think I would have rather fought Thanos instead but an art catharsis is kool too, I guess.

I emotionally stroke this project down and didn’t pull out. Drip Drip.

You can either view the project in its entirety here. Or you can either follow my social media pages (see links on side bar navigation because I am not linking each of them here again) and watch me drop an image a month. Your choice, not my concern.

ANYWAY.

Next issue we continue my photography journey. Until then I’m gonna do hood rat shit with my friends, I think I have earned it after the past few months. But right now I am gonna lay here and let my back heal from drawing. Yea you read that right. Also yay for Iron Fist season 2 not sucking, I actually didn’t cringe nearly as much as I did in season 1.

Lemonading

04 Wednesday Apr 2018

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twin 19_preview

Dear Friends of Jano,

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

Huh?

A series of flashbacks of my art journey since the summer of that fuck boy 2016.

OOOOOOOOH

Right now that my special issues are out of the way, we go back to where we left off. 2017.

Man, two thousand fucking seventeen. Holy fuck my niggas it was a legit a god damn motha fucking journey.

Was it as bad as 2016?

No, but I promise you it felt like an RPG at some point in this journey. Spoiler alert we will get to that in a few issues.

But for now we are gonna enjoy simple times and talk about the first photoshoot I did of last year. Spoiler Alert I got paid for it. YES LAWD * Anderson Paak voice. I could afford life for a brief moment in my continued unemployment stint.

One Friday night in January while I was watching YuYu Hakusho when right at Yusuke and Sensui were starting their battle, my phone went off. Hermit me was like who in blue hell is emailing me. It was my actress homegirl England Simpson. Her and her twin sister wanted to do a photoshoot, and the theme of it was to be similar to Beyonce’s Lemonade music video.

Ok so this may piss some people off (Oh well) but I don’t like Beyonce enough to keep up with her music. She is ok but do I care when she release something, nah not at all.

So I watch the Lemonade video to see what they want. Real Shit main thing I saw was a plantation. What? It couldn’t have been just me. Then went to my Bff Google to see if Charlotte has any plantations and holy fuck it does. Legit wasn’t ready for that. Damn the monuments of slavery still fucking exist along side systematic racism and oppression.

FIX IT OBAMA PLEASE!!

Remember when I said 2017 was a journey. Well this was the first part of the literally journey. Spoiler Alert, I drove around a lot last year scouting locations.

So I spent my Sunday plantation hunting, yes that was a legit a thing.

The first place was a pass and honestly not worth describing past this sentence. Place two, hot damn. I arrive and as soon as I pull into the property this old white meth face lady hits the gas and follows me like I am a runaway slave. At some point we both open our windows, I lead to ask her some questions. Her answer was basically leave nigger before I Lynch ya.

Well damn.

Then she drove to chase someone else down. Look Bitch if you don’t want people to visit, close the fucking gate to your low budget Candy Land. Points if you caught the Django reference. Should have burned that whole bitch down.

Place three was a legit charm, well despite the fact that it was a plantation. As much as I hate slavery, I legit never saw myself looking for a plantation. Anyway Latta Plantation was the location and it ddef had that old colonial vibe of Lynch a nigger, rape his wife and then raise the child to be a foot stool, Ding Ding Ding we had a winner. Thank you for still existing a racist ass testament to the dark ages.

I email my friends and tell them that we are all set, Kinda, turns out they would be closed on the day we wanted to shoot.

Fuck. But do I give them points for being closed on Martin Luther King Jr day? Nah cuz it is still fucking plantation.

We defaulted to Independence Park which is off Hawthorne Lane….not Independence Boulevard….wait what? Fuck it. Anyway nigga it was cold as fuck. I need to get that out the way before we continue to establish the setting of this narrative. England and Ingrid had their poses already worked out and how they wanted to go, which made the shoot go faster was fine since it was cold as fuck. Did I say it was as cold as fuck earlier? Just making sure. I think I had one idea I wanted them to bring to life but that was it, and I’m Kool with that.

And that’s all folks, we came back to my place and they picked out their photos as well what they wanted edit wise.

To see some of the pictures from that project, click here.

Real shit I would type more but I think I’m done now. I’m going to indulge myself in Final Fantasy 7 for the first time. I know I’m 20 years late with that. Same with me just now starting to listen to Incubus. Either are a good distraction from recent depression episodes and this existential crisis. Yeah those are loads of fun, not really.

Project:Numinously Noir

05 Tuesday Jul 2016

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Numinously Noir Final Cover

Greetings all,

I recently finished my latest online sketch book/  collection Numinously Noir. It is the first project I have done since my last projects Miasmic Emancipation and Velvet Sweaters. Although the first 2 images in this project  were done during the time I did the aforementioned projects.

The goal of this was to start doing very detailed drawings, since colored previous work aside from my house party invites and those with trademark characters were more of Lets see what happens. 

All the images here aside from one were preconceived before putting to paper. Points if you can guess which one wasn’t. If you like my work awesome, if not well I don’t think I care 🙂

With that being said click here for the visuals of Numinously Noir

#Charlotte #Art #nerd #Photography #hybridart #Blerd #animeinspired #cltart #blerdnation #charlotteartist #mixedmedia #endthestigma #suicide #depression #selfharm #pain #rumination #pain #love #emotions #selfhate #stabbing #heartache #selfesteem #life #death #Egyptian #Japanese #diety #Osiris #kitsune #gasmask #tutu #anubis #chilling #isis #goddess #brujita #witch #dragon #monkey #exposed #indentity #turmoil #seraph #cat #embrace #lilith #spider #demons #thatsmybestfriend #GirlsNightOut #bff #beach #mechas #dilemmas #hostage #shock #civilwar #pesant #civilwar #damselindistress #exotic #embrace #foreign #lovers #enchantment #mother #origin #ankh #horus #queen #wings #nature #clash #samurai #war #bishamon #steampunk #warrior #waterfall #adayout #toxic #admirer #nature #wedjat #gods #deities #afterlife #resurrection #regeneration #transition #fox #demon #shapeshifting #mischief #mythology #kimono #crookandflail #hieroglyphs #afros #mothernature #natural #catharsis #mystic #black #numinouslynoir #JanoRyusaru

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Back Issues of Jano Ryusaru

  • New Book Series: Azure Ascendance Level 5 August 28, 2022
  • 4 part Season Finale Via Erratic Time leaps February 20, 2022
  • New Book Series: Azure Ascendance Level 4 February 9, 2022
  • Boss Lady Spotlight February 1, 2022
  • Karma and Krystals January 2, 2022

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