I feel like this is a new concept to me again since I didn’t do this for the bulk of the tragic year of 2020…..which has spilled over to 2021. Spoiler Alert, it looks like coronavirus is gonna be sticking around for a while. UGH.
So bothersome, all of it.
Almost as much as me fucking up my back AGAIN at Cotton field 6.5. So here I lay typing another issues of Jano’s Bizarre Art Adventure with a sharp pain in my side. I can’t Yeet to this shit, I can’t.
This issue is actually less problematic and dramatic than the bulk of the issues I’ve written. On Kami.
*Hits Rewind button.
It was the trying times of 20 fucking 20. Coronavirus was running rampant, much like racism. The only difference is Corona don’t give a fuck your skin complexion nor beliefs. All it wanted was to fuck your life up and stop you from living your best life.
Side note, I’m really trying to speak in past tense, but the shit is still happening. Ugh as if.
Corona is the true definition of cancel culture, because that is exactly what the fuck it did. Concerts, cons, gatherings, school, jobs, fun functions, etc.
Graduations are included in the etc, in case you didn’t realize.
If I was graduating last year I would have been upset more so by this. Imagine your senior year finally arrives and all the things you had been excited about for the past 3 years because halted for safety concerns. Even though I legit didn’t care about any of that 19 years ago, I can empathize for those whose adolescent hearts desires were ripped a sunder.
Thats it for the preface for anyone new to life or for anyone who reads this from a decade from now.
As I mentioned last issue, my ancestors told me not to go back to the cotton field when it was mandated that we return since the stay at home order was no longer in effect. However, my girlfriend stayed and at some point she told me that a coworker wanted to pay for a cap and gown graduation shoot.
Sure, I’ll do it.
Her and I made contact with each other and made arrangements to do the shoot. We chose Freedom Park on a Friday after. A hot, blazing, torch filled afternoon in June.
FUCK. *Witchers voice.
She arrived with her mother, who I haven’t seen since ummmmmm March. We chatted for a little bit and then her and her daughter started to traverse in the park. At first she seemed nervous but as time went on she got comfortable. She was hesitant to smile hard for some reason, I told her that she is allowed to smile as hard as she wants and not to think about how anyone would perceive her.
Translation, fuck what people think.
Side note, I literally was the only who was sweating like a slave in the fields. How she wasn’t in a cap and gown is beyond me.
Nigger heat is real bro. Real and fucking oppressive as fuck. SHIT.
We were out there for at least an hour, I think. We made our way back to the parking lot where her mother paid me and we said our goodbyes.
And thats it.
Told ya this wasn’t a dramatic issue, at all. Honestly the most dramatic part of the whole day was after the shoot. I was going to give photography lessons to a friend who helped me out with a shoot at the same park. While I was waiting for her to arrive I sat on a bench under a web of trees the song Strange Fruit By Billie Holiday was playing in my head.
But Jano why?
Because at some point last summer, random black bodies were found hanging from trees.
Yea. Class can you say Jano was Shook? Because I fucking was.
Chills went through my body as I think about it.
Anyway to see the image from that blazeful, blistering, sweaty day click here.
Thats it for me. I dead ass have an urger to BattleToads and Double Dragon on Sega Genesis right now. Which I think I’m gonna do. I’m pretty sure I won’t get far, but whatever.
Side note, I have 3 episodes of Star Trek The Next Generation left and I’m kinda sad about it. Yea there is still the movies that relate to that saga but still, my childhood man.
MAN I hate writing issues when I am tired as shit, but the way my life is setup currently this may be best time I get to write it. First off can we talk about the vocal range of Marsha Ambrosius. Nigga OMG, her cds don’t her justice. They don’t. I saw her in concert 2 days before my birthday last month at the underground. Happy Bday to me indeed. Now this weekend I am going to go to Raleigh to see J.Cole perform at Dreamville Festival. Him, Rapsody, 6lack, Teyana Taylor, Bas, and some other people who I don’t really care for but they are part of the ride.
And Pizza Hut bought the P’zone back, NIGGA what a time to be alive.
YES LAWD *Anderson Paak Voice
This issue is kinda complicated, not as complicated as the mermaid saga of 2017 but still complicated.
Spoiler Alert, its kinda awkward too.
So 2 thousand motha fuckin 18 was an ironic headache, truly. When the year started I thought I would get a jump on my model search to avoid the exhausting effort of trying to find people to shoot for the ideas I have. Part of that thought process included asking some of those who had modeled for me in 2017, this issue is the basis of that.
In February 2017, I was scrolling on my timeline and saw that my homegirl who modeled for me in this issue, had came back home from overseas military things. On a whim I decided to text her and asked if she would model for me again. She said she would, even though honestly I had no idea that I wanted to bring to life. Good thing for the internet and all its many influences.
I scrolled on IG and let the barrage of images rape my eyes until some amalgamation of a concept hit me. At some point I decided to go by the arcade and drive by the light rail to get more of an idea of wtf I am doing with my life this time round. The concept I thought of was multi pronged as fuck. It would start off at her house doing some erotic photos, with her wanting to play video games but her systems were broke, so she would venture to the arcade and find joy there. I emailed her the idea, while inquiring about her wardrobe because part of the motivation for this shoot was the colorful enticing outfits that I saw. She told me she liked what the models had on but didn’t have anything like it, but would buy similar ones for it since she wanted to update her wardrobe. In addition she wanted to loose some weight before you got shot in an erotic fashion, fair.
I told her I would contact her as the weather warmed up to see when she would be ready to get shot again. April came and I emailed her, and it was a complete 180. She went from I really like those type of outfits to I’m not gonna buy them because the guy I am talking to doesn’t like them.
You and I had come to an agreement before this nigga was even in the picture, now my whole concept is thrown away for some dude that you probably won’t last with. Side note I legit have no clue if they are still together, but my spider sense says probably not.
Ugh Aggravated, Aggravated. *Judge Morty voice.
This whole shoot was based on her saying yes to certain things, one of which was shooting you in your house. But now because some guy came into the picture entered the picture who probably ain’t shit, I have to go and find a replacement. And this is one more reason why I hate fickle females. Moral of the story once again, Jano is trash when someone else comes into the picture for anything.
Since I actually liked the concept I had to go find me a replacement person. So off to instagram I go. Craigslist was no longer an option because they started to charge per ad, and considering that the bulk of 2017 I only got 2 models out of a myriad of ads I posted, or my ads taken down because apparently it was suspicious to some one.There was no way I was gonna waste my money on something I may not get a return on.
Yes you read that right, out of all the ads I saw on craigslist me looking for a model was odd. I decided to test out this whole suspicious offensive content by posting an ad about I was looking for a model to do a photoshoot with a model covered in my cum. ON EVERY FUCKING THING that wasn’t flagged for being inappropriate at all. But trying to find models for a mermaid,a masquerade shoot, a shoot in a graveyard, and a goth School girl was a fucking problem. Ok.
I was going through IG profiles, legit requesting to follow some people just so I can see their profiles and to see if they were what I was looking for. At some point someone slid in my DMs for once,( Forreal that never happens like at all) it was one of the girls I had requested to follow. She told me saw that I was a photographer and wanted to know if I needed a model.
Time Frame Reference, we are in May right now. Just figured I throw that in there.
Yes, yes I do. I told her yea and about the current project I am working on. She wanted to meet me first, we picked a day and agreed to meet each other after we left our cotton fields at Amelies. We met I was chill, she was chill, we were all chill. ( Did anyone catch that Good Burger Reference, nah, ya’ll niggas whack.) At some point during our meeting she told me she lived with an authoritative family member, which essentially killed shooting them erotically at their place. But we will get that in a minute.
For some reason I was thinking that this meeting was just going to be that, so I didn’t bring my camera or anything. But she was willing to be shot that day, so we went to my house to which isn’t far, got my camera and went to the light rail near Abari. This was legit my first photoshoot since the mermaid saga.
But Jano what about the 3 issues after that?
Those don’t count, because those weren’t my ideas at all. Even if I were to count those, it still doesn’t explain how fucking awkward I was. I legit couldn’t articulate a single fucking thought on how I wanted her to pose. At some point I tried to shoot her against the wall of the arcade, and my lens was not functioning at all. Nigga what?! It would try to focus on her but nothing. Shit was embarrassing. Even with the flash there was nothing. At some point we called it a night and said we will do the next portion at my house. Man I was embarrassed as fuck, about my performance, of both me and my camera. Since she didn’t stay on her own we decided to do the next portion at my house, which sucked. Why? Because my place legit has no fucking aesthetic at all.
None, no such aesthetic at all. Especially compared to my friends house where all this was supposed to happen at.
But Jano why don’t you decorate?
Have ya’ll missed the part of the story where I have been laid off and unemployed the bulk of the last 5 years? Kinda makes it hard to decorate when you lack funds.
I legit find myself lamenting the loss potential because of a fickle female right now. Ugh anyway. The night before we met, I practiced using my camera and lens in a low lit environment. I had black light bulbs in all areas of the house and hung Christmas lights in certain areas. It was lit.
Haha, sorry thought it would be appropriate to say that phrase this one time in life. HA, ok back to the narrative.
I told her I would feed her for coming over here. We ate Digorno’s and started shooting.Ya’ll ….this shit….was ….TOUGH. My camera was still doing the exact same thing it was the other night.
But Jano, didn’t you practice?
Yes Nigga I practiced. None of the problems that occurred during practice happened all through the night. So fucking frustrating. Now I know how my parents felt when they got mad when I acted like a cunt ass nigga when we had company when I was little. There is a certain amount of guilt when someone drives from Huntersville to help you out and shit doesn’t go smoothly. Along with the light problems, I also had problems getting the shot I want since my lens isn’t wide enough.
Meaning, shooting in closed quarters is kind of a problem
We agreed to one more session the following week and I legit feared the results. We met and actually were shooting inside the arcade. For me I was having issues with lighting, lens width and articulating thoughts of how I wanted to shoot her. The ironic part is that for the bulk of the shoots that I have talked about that are my ideas, I always walk the area first before I shoot them and visualize how I want the shoot to go. On God my nigga you couldn’t tell with this one at all.
As we were were living, this dude came up to us as we were leaving. We ended up having a discussion about cameras. Essentially I found out that not all camera lens are created equal henceforth why I was having trouble with my lens performing the way it did. Probably would have found this out sooner but this was my first low light shoot ever.Moral of the story, not all lens matter.
Ugh, just thinking recalling this saga makes me gringe. Gringe as fuck. OMG so much fucking gringe. Anyway to see the images from this gringe fest check go here.
Anyway that is how I obtained my purple stone. 5 left. I promise I still feel like Thanos still.When I get the last 3 I want to feel snap my fingers and obliterate the population, I think I deserve it.
But for right now I am going to wash my hair.
Side note, if you ever decide to say that you will model for me (if I ask) and decide to be fickle as the friend I mentioned earlier. I will set your life on fire in the way Cersei did those holy fuckers in Game of Thrones.